Bleach In the Morning
by Kitty-taichou-sama
Summary: Kitty-sama: Welcome to my show, Bleach In the Morning, where we take our coffee with extra bleach! A show where you can give the bleach characters, or the authoress questions, comments, or commands.
1. Chapter 1

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: This is my third time rewriting this, because I keep leaving it on other computers.

Renji: And they care… why?

Kitty-sama: You shut up. Did I give you permission to speak?

Renji: No, ma'am.

Kitty-sama: Well, whatever. Anyways, this is a show monologue.

Renji: Starring your favorite bleach character, me.

Ichigo: No. Everyone knows I'm the favorite bleach character.

Renji: Sure, whatever, strawberry.

Ichigo: Shut up, firecrotch.

Kitty-sama: HEY! That's enough, you two.

Uryu: Actually, it involves virtually all of the bleach characters.

Kitty-sama: but my show is review- based. Which means-

Ichigo: It means she's not creative.

Kitty-sama: No it doesn't, strawberry, it means-

Ichigo: my name means number one guard. Not strawberry.

Kitty-sama: ohkay, whatever, strawberry. It means that I like to involve fans in my FAN fics.

Orihime: You can write in with any questions, comments, or commands you have for the bleach characters, or the author.

Kitty-sama: Well, it's about time to wrap up. Preview for next episode… Byakuya and Gin… in the same room. Dunn dunn DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Byakuya: I refuse to partake in such foolishness. I am far too important for this show.

Kitty-sama: Two things. One, you're on this show now, and two, I knew you would say that, that's why I put a binding spell on you.

Byakuya: Darn.

Kitty-sama: Time to wrap up. One last thing. Today's my birthday!! You owe me presents. Don't forget to review with your questions, comments, and commands.

Ichigo: I'm not a strawberry.


	2. Byakuya and gin in a locked room

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: Aww, my birthday's over.

Renji: Yesterday was your _birthday_? Shouldn't you have given us presents, then?

Kitty-sama: I don't know if you're ignorant, or just plain stupid, but the person having the birthday gets the gifts. You have one hour to get me gifts.

One Hour Later

Kitty-sama: kay time's up. Where's my presents.

Renji: **reaches in pocket** okay, I have… five dollars, a sticker that says, "treat others the way you want to be treated", a piece of gum, and some lint. Happy Birthday!!

Kitty-sama: YOU IDIOTIC MORON!! That's not a gift, that's some crap that you found in your pocket. Ah, well, moving on.

Ichigo: Uhh… here it is.

Kitty-sama: **glomps Ichigo** WhOOO!! The entire bleach manga books set!! You're my new favorite.

Inoue: I… baked you a cake!!

Rangiku: MINE!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! **Snatches cake**

Kitty-sama: Oh well, it's the thought that counts, Inoue san.

Uryu: Well, I made you this shirt…

Kitty-sama: Um… thanks… Uryu. I'll put this in my closet, where I keep… clothes…

Chad: **hands gift**

Kitty-sama: SWEET! Ten dollars!!

Uryu: Now what?

Kitty-sama: Let's look at our first review…

_Yay! I hope Gin tortures Byakuya! No offense Byakuya, but unless it's Lord Sesshomaru from InuYasha I won't lift a finger for you. I love it when cold people are tortured unless it's Sesshomaru-sama!_

_-fluffylover119  
_

Kitty-sama: Well, our guests of honor will be arriving soon, so we'll just have to find out then. Thanks for the review, fluffylover119

Gin: **Walks in door. **What guests of honor?

Audience: Applauds

Kitty-sama: Gin! You're the guest of honor. You know you're my thirdfavorite bleach character. Now that you're here… **opens closet.**

Byakuya: You BITCH!! How could you leave e in that closet in the dark all night with all the spiders…?

Kitty-sama: You deserved it. Anyways, if I had let you go home, you may never have come back, and since I don't trust you, I did what I had to. Plus, the binding spell helped a lot.

Gin: **stiffens up.** What are _you_ doing here?

Byakuya: if I had a choice between here and hell, I'd be in hell. But I don't have a choice, so I'm here.

Gin: I'm done with you Byakuya. You piss me off.

Byakuya: At least I don't betray soul society.

Gin: Shoot to kill, Shinsou.

Byakuya: Scatter, Senbonzakura.

Kitty-sama: And so the fight begins.

Two Hours Later

Kitty-sama: Wow, Byakuya's almost dead. But I need him for the show. Inoue, could you please heal the arrogant fool. Oh, but first, Gin has a few cuts, so why don't you heal him.

Orihime: No problem, Kitty-sama kun.

Kitty-sama: No, Inoue, you can just call me Kitty-sama. You're so helpful!

About Thirty Minutes Later

Kitty-sama: Bya-kun. You have a question. Let's read the review!!

_Oh Happy birthday!!_

Byakuya and Gin lock in a room TOGETHER? This is gonna be cheesy...May I asked a question? Bya-kun, are you gay??

_-Haotorine-Rene_

Kitty-sama: Thanks! About time someone wished me happy birthday. Just your "happy birthday" was better than Renji's attempt at a gift, Haotorine-Rene. I appreciate the review!!

Byakuya: Why, yes, I… I mean, that's preposterous. A noble like me? I'm supposed to be a role model for soul society.

Kitty-sama: He's gay.

Byakuya: Am not.

Kitty-sama: I'm not an idiot. I saw you at that gay bar last week with Yumichika.

Byakuya: And how would you know I was at a gay bar if you weren't there.

Kitty-sama: What got me is you chose to go to the one by my neighborhood, and still be there at seven, when you knew that I lived there and went on walks at seven every evening. You're an idiot.

Byakuya: Fine, I am.

Kitty-sama: Whoo! About time, Bya.

Byakuya: Just don't tell anyone.

Kitty-sama: **ignoring Byakuya.** Hey, I got a video!! Let's put this on youtube!!

Everyone else: Yeah! That's a great idea!

Kitty-sama: It just now occurred to me… they never were locked in a room together… Gin, Byakuya, come here…

Gin and Byakuya: **Walk into trapped room**

Kitty-sama: **Closes door. **We can watch them on this live video feed on my movie theatre sized projector screen. **Pulls out movie screen and sets up for audience to watch.**

Renji: Have you been carrying that around just for a chance to use it right now?

Kitty-sama: No.

Renji: Good.

Kitty-sama: I carry it around because you never know when you need a movie theatre size projection screen.

Renji: Freak.

Kitty-sama: Shhhh… it's starting. Did I mention they don't know they're on a live camera feed? Plus I took their zampakutos so they can't fight again.

On the Projector Screen:

Byakuya: Gahd, Kitty-sama makes me so mad.

Gin: I know. I hate her more than I hate you.

Byakuya: I hate you the most though. Thought you should know.

Gin: Hey, can they see us in here?

Byakuya: there aren't any cameras apparent.

Gin: I miss you in Hueco Mundo.

Byakuya: I miss you too, but I would never live it up if Kitty-sama found out.

_Kitty-sama: Heh heh…_

Gin: Yah, she's such a bitch most of the time…

Kitty-sama: **Bursts into isolated room** what the fuck did you just call me?

Gin: A… bitch.

Kitty-sama: Damn right I am.

Byakuya: Hey how did you know Gin was talking about you?

Kitty-sama: Oh yah, that reminds me… Bya hearts Gi-in.

Byakuya: **turns slightly red** no I don't you stupid bitch.

Kitty-sama: damn right I am.

Byakuya: I'm done with you.

Kitty-sama: Okay then, I'll put you back in your closet.

Byakuya: No! I can be good!

Kitty-sama: Too late. **Drags Byakuya back to his closet and locks door**

Gin: So can I come out of the secret locky room now?

Kitty-sama: Yah. Plus, sorry, but that's the end of the chapter. Preview for next chapter… Yachiru: cute fukutaichou, or evil psycho.

Ichigo: I'm NOT A STRAWBERRY!!


	3. Yachiru: Evil or sweet?

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: My buddy didn't call me back, like he promised. sniff sniff

Renji: Why do you care so much?

Kitty-sama: He's my best friend. If I mean that little to him… **bursts into sobs**

Renji: If you mean that little to him, then he's not really your friend. Get a new best friend.

Kitty-sama: Will you be my new best friend, Renji? You're my favorite bleach character.

Renji: Ohkay, fine, but you can't beat up your best friend, though.

Kitty-sama: Okay, I guess.

Renji: So, what was the topic for today's show, again?

Kitty-sama: As usual, we have a guest, aside form our usuals. The topic is… Yachiru: Innocent fukutaichou, or evil demon?

Ichigo: She's a demon. I would know. **Sits in fetal position rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb**

Rukia: Ichigo just has issues with small children. He's like that around Toshirou, too.

Hitusgaya: I… AM NOT A LITTLE KID!!

Rukia: some- one's in de- ni- al

Orihime: let's bring in our guest of honor, now!

Kitty-sama: Hold your horses there, Inoue. We have reviews.

_Thanks for having my review in your story! OMG! Byakuya's gay?!_

Fan Girls:No!!

Oh well. By the way, give me that URL. LOL!

_-fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: It's no problem, fluffylover119. love, love, LOVE reviews, so thanks a bunch!

Byakuya: You told people!? You BITCH.

Kitty-sama: Damn right I am.

Renji: What URL?

Kitty-sama: Ignore him, he's a dumbass. I still love him, but he's a dumbass. Wait, what URL?

Ichigo: I don't know.

Kitty-sama: here's the other.

_Ichigo has to dress up as a giant strawberry and Byakuya has to dress in drag._

_- EmoPandaGirl_

Ichigo: Why? Why me? Why not Fred or Jake or something normal?

Kitty-sama: cuz you suck. **hands Ichigo strawberry suit** put it on.

Ichigo: you can't make me

Kitty-sama: Wanna bet?

Ichigo: … **puts on suit**

Byakuya: Whaaat?!

Kitty-sama: **hands Byakuya eyeliner and black clothes**

Byakuya: thaaanks.

Kitty-sama: and you can't take it off all episode, either.

Byakuya: why??

Kitty-sama: **ignoring Byakuya **guest of honor time!!

Ichigo: Damn, I hoped you'd forgotten.

Kitty-sama: and now, welcome…

Yachiru: ME!

Ichigo: **Sobbing uncontrollably**

Kitty-sama: So, Yachiru, let's hear it. Are you sweet, or demonic?

Yachiru: Well, I'm sweet, of course!

Kitty-sama: not so fast. We've asked thirteen people what they thought of you, and we will judge based on their answers.

Byakuya: she's scary. I'd definitely vote demon.

Kenpachi: She's sweet. No doubt.

Unohana: She's a darling little fukutaichou. Sweet.

Renji: from my experiences in her squad, I'd say she's more sweet than evil.

Ichigo: Evil. Eeeeeviiiilllllll. (REJECTED for unsurities of sane-ness)

Ikkaku: That thing's a ball of possessed spazziness. Demon.

Yumichika: She calls me ugly. Beautifully evil.

Maki- Maki: she's crazy. I doubt she's sane. She must be a demon.

Aizen: she totally fell for my plan, so I vote sweet.

Gin: Seeing my eyes didn't faze her. Only a demon could take that.

Toshirou: She's sweet.

Rangiku: She's a sweet little girl.

Ukitake: She's so fun to give candy to!

Ichigo: can I take this off now? it's hot!

Kitty-sama: ** ignoring Ichigo **Well, let's see… seven voted cute, five voted evil, and one's was terminated because he was insane. I guess she's cute then.

Yachiru: Of course I am, Kitty-sama!

Kitty-sama: Here, have some candy, Yachiru!

All previous or current squad 11 members: NOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!

Kitty-sama: What?

Yachiru: ** eyes turn yellow like a hollow, grins evilly** hello, people. How would you like to play game. It's called hide and DIE!! I count to a hundred, you hide, and I come kill you!! Wahahahahahaha.

Kitty-sama: Byakuya, you can come out of the closet now, no pun intended, because Yachiru will be staying there for a couple of hours.

Byakuya: about time!

Evil Yachiru: wait… where are you going with this

Kitty-sama: **drags Yachiru to closet** **and locks door**

Kitty-sama: well, it looks like that concludes this episode, seeing as we'll all be busy.

Renji: if you don't review, I'll go bankai on you.

Uryu: Preview for next episode… Extra long Kenpachi death match special!!

Kitty-sama: See you all later. You heard Renji. Review!!

Ichigo: I'm not a frikking STRAWBERRY!!


	4. Kenpachi death match special

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: Grrrrr…

Ichigo: What's wrong, Kitty-sama?

Kitty-sama: My internet shut down when I was in the middle of bleach.

Rukia: I'm sorry!! That's the worst thing that ever happened to anybody!

Kitty-sama: I know. It sucks. Plus, it actually really did shut down in bleach. I'm not just saying it did to advertise for my show.

Renji: Sorry. It's not like it was anything important though. It was just fillers, right?

Kitty-sama: Yah but it shut down on your part and you're my firstfavorite bleach character.

Renji: Fuck.

Kitty-sama: I know. This sucks because I may have to put this episode on late.

Renji: In case you haven't noticed, we unofficially post episodes every Friday.

Kitty-sama: I forgot. I have some news!! Starting next week, due to school being out and me not having a life, I will be posting über episodes on Tuesday as well.

Ichigo: why did you say "asterisk" after Tuesday?

Kitty-sama: **smacks Renji**

Renji: **speaking quickly** dates may or may not change due to scheduling and other such affairs if you have any questions, comments, or complaints than talk to Kitty-sama not me.

Ichigo: oh.

Byakuya: Let me out of this closet now bitch!

Kitty-sama: damn right I am **opens closet**

Byakuya: ** falls on face** hey kitty-sama. I know I was mean to you, but could you forgive me?

Renji: You just don't want to face the wrath of Kazeneko.

Byakuya: so? What's wrong with that? I'm sure you don't wanna face her either.

Kitty-sama: Hm. So it seems like the idiots have gone to the brain store.

Ichigo: What brain store?

Kitty-sama: Well, not all of them, obviously.

Gin: Lemme clarify for the viewers. Lo-

Kitty-sama: I'm known as kitty-sama here, Gin.

Gin: Oh. Sorry. Kitty-sama here's zampakuto is called Kazeneko. Kazeneko translates to windcat for all of you out there that don't know. But she's pretty well respected by the characters, considering she's an ice based, as well as wind based zampakuto. In fact, in hueco mundo, she's known as the deadly snowstorm.

Byakuya: A.K.A. if you get caught in her, you're SOL.

Kitty-sama: pretty much.

Renji: **whispering** it's best to be friends with this chick. Trust me; I've fought her bankai before. Of course, I've only _witnessed_ frozen grave (that's level three) once, and she took out thirteen vasto lorde in thirty seconds. Trust me, if she wants you dead, you're screwed.

Kitty-sama: Oh. Guess what. Billy gave me five dollars to kick Carissa. Two for one! I get to kick Carissa, and I get five dollars!

Inoue: Who's Carissa?

Kitty-sama: She's my new aunt. She's the kindergarten teacher who pole dances and gets boob jobs.

Rukia:…?

Kitty-sama: She's like one of the girls Kyoraku hangs around. Only, she works with little kids. Like Toshirou.

Toshirou: Fuck you, censored name.

Kitty-sama: We don't call kitty-sama by that name here. It's kitty-sama or your-supreme-goddess-kitty-taichou-sama. I let Gin get away with it cause I caught him before he did too much damage, and he didn't know the rule.

Gin: Yeah, shortie. **Sticks tongue out**

Toshirou: Fuck off, baka

Kitty-sama: We need to soap that potty mouth of yours. Ichigo, go get me the bar of soap in the bathroom.

Ichigo: Okay.

Kitty-sama: Bankai! Hidden Figure! Howl, Zabimaru!

Renji: **whispering** she can disguise her zampakuto in bankai form. It doesn't count as a level of bankai.

Kitty-sama: **dragging Toshirou behind her with Zabimaru wrapped around him** haha!! I got him!!

Toshirou: muuuuuhhhhhh! fmuuuhp hmrrrrrrrrrrr!! Mllllpppppp muhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Rukia: No. Nobody's gonna stop her, or help you. Little kids shouldn't say no-no words.

Kitty-sama: where's the rope. **Pulls rope out of boobs** now cooperate and you'll be just fine. ** Ties Toshirou to chair and sheathes Kazeneko**

Ichigo: Can I stick the soap in his mouth?

Kitty-sama: sure! Whatever you want!

Ichigo: Am I gonna die?

Kitty-sama: Not… as far as I know… Why?

Ichigo: you're being… nice to me?

Kitty-sama: **slaps Ichigo** shut up, bitch! Better?

Ichigo: no.

Kitty-sama: oh. You want me to be meaner than that.

Ichigo: no no no no please?!

Kitty-sama: fine, I'll pity you and say time for reviews!!

_Okay? We learned two things from this chapter._

1. NEVER EVER feed Yachiru candy unless you want to die

2. Ichigo, face it. Just change your name to strawberry and move on in life!

_-fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: Fluffylover119! Thank you for joining us today!

Ichigo: no. Don't wanna.

Kitty-sama: be nice to the reviewers. **Hits Ichigo**

Ichigo: no. Don't wanna.

Kitty-sama: tobu no ue ni amagumo Kazeneko

Renji: English translation: fly above the rain clouds, Kazeneko.

Ichigo: sorry!

_I love the story!  
Ichigo has to die his hair green!_

_-EspADa 11_

Kitty-sama: Ichigo… you know what to do…

Ichigo: don't wanna.

Kitty-sama: Okay then. guest of honor time. Kenpachi, come on in… Ichigo will be your first match today.

Ichigo: **takes hair dye and hides in bathroom. **

Kitty-sama: thought so.

Kenpachi: dammit. Get your ass back out here Ichigo!!

Kitty-sama: later, Kenpachi. You're first match is Bya-kun.

Byakuya: Whaaaat?

Kitty-sama: You heard me. Byakuya.

Kenpachi: Get ready, Byakuya, cause here I come!!

Kitty-sama: Renji! help me commentate!

Renji: Byakuya is moving in on Kenpachi. And Kenpachi looks kind of scared. oh, wait, that's the beans.

Kitty-sama: Byakuya's attack was beautiful, but not enough for Kenpachi.

Byakuya: Bankai. Senbonzakura kageyoshi.

Renji: Byakuya's breaking out the bankai now.

Kitty-sama: ooh. ouch. Byakuya is now unconscious.

Renji: Must say, it was smart of Kenpachi to headbutt Byakuya, though.

Ichigo: What'd I miss?

Kitty-sama: you ju- **falls to floor in giggle fit**

Renji: your head looks like elephant snot.

Kitty-sama: **still giggling**

Rukia: I think Ichigo looks cute with green hair.

Kitty-sama: You'd be the only one.

Inoue: Who's Kenny gonna fight now?

Kitty-sama: Snot head.

Inoue: Am not.

Kitty-sama: not you, Ichigo.

Kenpachi: watch out, Ichigo!

Ichigo: Bankai! Tensa Zangetsu! Getusga Tenshou!!

Kitty-sama: Whoops. Kenpachi's unconscious. Ichigo, go wash the hair dye out of your head.

Ichigo: it was temporary?

Kitty-sama: Yes. Go wash it.

Renji: That's it for the day. See y'all later.

Kitty-sama: Preview for next episode (see us again on Tuesday) Why is Toshirou so short? And can we do anything about this?


	5. Bleach on the beach SPECIAL

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: in honor of this being our first weekday Bleach in the Morning, I have decided to make it a special, Bleach on the Beach!

Ishida: of course, since it is a special, all reviews, as well as our topic for the next episode, Why is Toshirou so short; and can we do anything about this? will be carried over to Friday's usual episode.

Renji: We now present, for your viewing pleasure, bleach on the beach!

Kitty-sama: did you seriously just say that?

Renji: yes.

Kitty-sama: don't.

Renji: can we have a surfing contest? Cuz, I think that might be fun.

Inoue: First, we have a volleyball contest. Kitty-sama will break us down into two groups of six.

Kitty-sama: I have decided that it is girls vs. boys. The girls' team: myself, Inoue, Rangiku, Yachiru, Rukia, and Ishida.

Ishida: Whaaat?

Kitty-sama: did you not want to play?

Ishida: I did, just not on that team.

Kitty-sama: But… you're a girl. Girls can't play on the guy's team.

Ishida: **pushes up glasses** for your information, I am in fact, a guy.

Kitty-sama: you're a girl. End of discussion.

Ishida: **stamps foot** am not.

Kitty-sama: there's your proof. You're acting like a girl. The guy's team is: Renji, Byakuya, Ichigo, Sado, Kenpachi, and Gin.

Kon: Heeyyyy bastards! This is Kon and I will be your commentator for the evening!

Kitty-sama: Boys' team serves. It's the only way they'll get a point.

Kon: and here we go. Apparently Renji doesn't know how to play volleyball. The score is one girl's, zip boys.

Renji: What? I hit it as hard as I could!

Kitty-sama: sorry folks, but we can't play volleyball anymore. Renji lost the ball.

Rangiku: **slurring her speech** we could play with my boobs.

Kitty-sama: How did you find the sake? Cuz I hid it really well.

Toshirou: She has sake senses. Either way, nobody else gets sake.

Kitty-sama: like I care. Not like I can drink it anyways.

Renji: Aww! No sake! That sucks!

Kitty-sama: Next, a surfing contest.

Kon: The six competitors are, Renji, Toshirou, Rukia, Byakuya, Ichigo, and Inoue?

Kitty-sama: first up is Renji. He's heading out to catch a wave, and ouch. Apparently Renji can't-

Kon: he's drowning and Kitty-sama just went to save him. He fell off and apparently can't swim.

Kitty-sama: Dumbass! Learn to swim before you surf. You, from now on, have to wear a lifejacket.

Renji: **puts on lifejacket** why?

Kitty-sama: so you don't drown. Next is Toshirou!

Kon: Wow. This kid is amazing.

Kitty-sama: that's cuz he froze the water with Hyorinmaru.

Kon: Hey, Yamamoto, could we have some help?

Kitty-sama: Toshirou! Ten seconds to get out of Yamamoto's way.

Toshirou: **jumps onto land** ahhhhh!!

Kitty-sama: idiot. Rukia's turn!

Rukia: here goes nothing. Literally.

Kon: wow! Rukia appears to know a little bit about surfing. She's doing pretty good, but not exactly great. It appears she's lost her balance.

Kitty-sama: But unlike Renji, she knows how to swim.

Rukia: that's not my best.

Kitty-sama: Doesn't matter. You're in the lead.

Byakuya: it's my turn.

Kon: it would appear that surfing runs in the family, because Byakuya's not bad either.

Kitty-sama: But he just fell.

Byakuya: Damn surfboard. Scatter, Senbonzakura.

Kitty-sama: It appears that Byakuya is a sore loser. Rukia is still in first.

Ichigo: I'll give it a try.

Kitty-sama: it appears that Ichigo as well has surfing know-how.

Renji: he may beat Rukia. Never mind, he just fell.

Ichigo: Good job Rukia. That's hard.

Kon: It's time for my big-breasted queen to show us what sh-

Kitty-sama: **stomps on Kon** Inoue, it's your turn. Wow, she's good.

One hour later

Kitty-sama: Inoue, you win. It's time to move on. Next is a sea doo race. Dibs on the pink one.

Kon: The following people will be racing on the following sea doos… Kitty-sama on the pink one, Renji on red, Ichigo on orange, Rukia on yellow, Ikkaku on green, Byakuya on blue, and Uryu on purple.

Inoue: get set… GO!

Kon: and they're off, with kitty-sama in the lead, and Uryu in last, because he doesn't know how to start his sea doo. Renji and Kitty-sama are battling it out for first, neither of them are afraid to gun it.

Inoue: Byakuya is in a close third, and Ichigo and Ikkaku are tied for fourth and fifth, but are coming up on Byakuya quickly.

Kon: and… we have a winner! The results are as follows: Kitty-sama, Renji, Ichigo, Byakuya, Ikkaku, and Uryu, all finishing within seconds of each other, save Uryu, who still hasn't managed to start his sea doo.

Kitty-sama: that concludes today's episode. Review, review, review!!

Ichigo: I'm not a strawberry.


	6. Why is toshirou so short?

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: I'm hyper! cuz I drank too much coke!

Renji: hold still, dammit! you're making me dizzy!

Kitty-sama: even in the summer, I still procrastinate. I'm supposed to be cleaning my room.

Renji: Well, McBouncy, go clean then.

Kitty-sama: **hits Renji with rolled up newspaper** no. bad. no cleaney.

Ichigo: is Kenny gone yet?

Kitty-sama: if I say no, will you go away?

Ichigo: no, cuz I know you're lying.

Kitty-sama: ah well. It was worth a shot. Today, I have a guest host. mainly cuz she's a pest and won't go away. It's my little sister! Welcome, Hanago.

Hanago: my food's ready. **walks out of room**

Ichigo: WTF??

Hanago: ** returns** aww! you put me in your story.

Kitty-sama: shut up. ** hits Hanago**

Hanago: **smashing can on her head** I'm trying to smash a can on my head. It's not working. OW!!

Kitty-sama: I hope she goes away.

Kitty-sama: so… who wants to do reviews?

Byakuya: If I say yes, will you let me out of the closet?

Kitty-sama: hmm… okay!

Byakuya: I do! I do!

Kitty-sama: **opens closet**

_Good work Kenpachi! :)_

Umm... two things I wanna ask.

Byakuya, can you dance retardedly for no reason? I'm in a random mood.

And Orihime, can you force feed Ichigo your delicious food?

I love your shows Kitty-taichou-sama! 8)

_-fluffylover119_

Kenpachi: Thank you.

Ichigo: You weren't lying, kitty-sama! ** hides in locky room**

Kitty-sama: **locks door**

Byakuya: I can, but that doesn't necessarily mean I will.

Kitty-sama: **whispering to fluffylover119** don't worry, he will

Orihime: Yes! It shall be an honor.

Kitty-sama: Thank you! I'm glad we have fans.

Renji: How come I didn't get any questions or comments?

Kitty-sama: say thank you for reviewing, you selfish idiot.

Renji: thank you for reviewing, you selfish idiot.

Kitty-sama: No. Bad Renji. Apologize. I'm sorry, Fluffylover119, you can have Renji as your personal slave for a week. I'm just borrowing him for shows though. Kay?

Renji: No. I'm sorry!

Kitty-sama: get over it.

_**BLAM!!**_

Kitty-sama: Oh no! the cops found out where I'm hiding!

Gamma: Okay, someone here has a Ring of the Dead. Where is it?

Kitty-sama: heehee! I know what happened here!

Renji: Who the hell are you?

Kitty-sama: He's Akutabi Gamma, a zombie powder hunter. Gamma-kun, I'm afraid you're lost. This is bleach; Kubo-sensei's other work.

Gamma: oh. Sorry. **leaves**

Kitty-sama: okay, let's continue with reviews.

_Install a button that goes RANDOM DANCING in unexpected times and everyone has to start to dance. LOL_

_-ErisedPandaGirl_

Byakuya: look what you've done. Now she'll actually do it. We'll all have to randomly dance.

Kitty-sama: That's a great idea!! **picks up Hana** moshi-moshi? is this random dancing buttons, inc.? Good. Mm-hmm. uh huh. Okay! Bye!

Renji: For our viewers, Hana is her cell phone. She names her objects and possessions. She's a freak.

Kitty-sama: They'll be by tomorrow. Sorry, viewers. No random dancing today. Yeey! Mooney-rat!

Hanago: Mooney is our favorite rat. We have thirteen.

Kitty-sama: shut up. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate with you around?

Hanago: no.

Kitty-sama: well shut up. anyways, onward with reviews.

_O.o the horror, will Uryu ever learn to start a sea doo?!_

w So hello! ((happy late birthday?!))

And you know of course there should be a cosplay contest, staring Bya-kun as the lovely Kagome from Inuyasha.

-Sheepsama13

Uryu: For your information, I don't like water. So there.

Kitty-sama: he means, he can't swim and is in classes with five year olds at the Y.

Uryu: am not. There are four year olds there too. why'd you have to tell them? I can't stand you.

Kitty-sama: Pshhht. Teenage girls and their tempers.

Uryu: I'm not a girl!

Kitty-sama: I thought we'd already discussed this. And thank you for wishing me happy (late) birthday!

Byakuya: I don't wanna. So I won't.

Kitty-sama: That's a wonderful idea! I'll just make that next Tuesday's topic!

Byakuya: Damn.

Kitty-sama: next review.

_Wow. Uryu you suck, Orihime good job, Kon your a pervert, Ichigo I don't really care about you, Byakuya your a loser, Renji like Ichigo don't really care about you, Rukia nothing to say about you, Rangiku your too drunk all the time, Kitty-taichou-sama you rock!!_

I love your episodes! They rock!

_-fluffylover119_

Uryu: Do not.

Kitty-sama: do too. You're so gay.

Renji: I think fluffylover119 meant that in a different way, Kitty-sama.

Kon: So I like boobs. All guys do.

Ichigo: not me. I'm not perverted like that.

Kitty-sama: How'd you get out of the locky room? ** looks over at door** WTF? you get to pay for that.

Repairman: I'll just… fix it for free, ma'am. **fixes door**

Kitty-sama: thank you.

Ichigo: thaaanks.

Byakuya: I am a noble! How dare you speak to me in such a manor?

Kitty-sama: She's a reviewer. She outranks all of the characters of bleach. be nice to reviewers or you'll end up like your dumb fukutaichou.

Renji: I'm not dumb. plus, you should care about me. do whatever you want though, since you outrank me.

Rukia: no news is good news!!

Rangiku: you stay that… avvif… itsa bad thing.

Kitty-sama: Once again, thank you!

Renji: that's the last review, right?

Kitty-sama: yep! now onto our topic for the day, Why is Toshirou so short, and can we do anything about this?

Toshirou: ** walks in room**

"Live studio audience": silence

Toshirou: what? not even one fan?

Hanago: I'm your fan, Toshirou! I love you!

Toshirou: I think I'll just stick to the no fans.

Gin: **Walks in room** Did anyone call me?

"live studio audience": WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kitty-sama: thanks for coming, Gin! We miss you here!

Hanago: Boo! No we don't! We hate you.

Fangirls: **viciously attack Hanago **Get outta here! we hate you, Hanago!

Hanago: **Hides in locky room**.

"live studio audience": OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hanago: Knock knock

Gin: Who's there?

Hanago: Crakken!! heeheehee!!

Kitty-sama: crakken who?

Hanago: heeheehee! CRAAAACK!! hahahaha! hehehe! mhmhmhmhmhm!! ahahahahaha! I love you Toshirou. mhm.

Kitty-sama: you have five seconds to get back into the locky room before I call the Fangirls. Five. four.

Hanago: Eeeeep! **runs to locky room**

"live studio audience": OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Kitty-sama: well, I have called in an expert to determine why Toshirou is so short.

Mayuri: **walks in room**

"live studio audience": **applause**

Toshirou: come on! Mayuri gets applause, but I don't? He's freaking creepy!

Kitty-sama: **ignoring Toshirou** well, Mayuri, what do you have to say about Toshirou?

Mayuri: Well, after doing a series of tests without Toshirou's permission that are as illegal as they are dangerous to soul society, I have come up with nothing.

Nemu: But we do have a solution to his shortness. **pulls out stilts**

Kitty-sama: so, Toshirou, let's put on your stilts. **grabs duct tape**

Renji: Alrightey that oughta do it.

Toshirou: I look ridiculous.

Inoue: but you're almost as tall as the rest of us!

Toshirou: so?

Kitty-sama: Well, that wraps up today's episode! Preview for next episode: cosplay contest!! Any anime or manga except bleach, and Byakuya will be dressed like Kagome!!

Renji: Plus, our random dance button will be installed!! See y'all next time. Review, or else.

Kitty-sama: or else what?

Renji: Or else you'll find out what or else is.

Ichigo: I'm not a strawberry.


	7. Cosplay contest!

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: We're. Going. To. The. Lake.

Ichigo: Who cares?

Kitty-sama: You. Because you're not invited.

Ichigo: I don't wanna go.

Kitty-sama: I gotta go pick up Renji from Fluffylover119, because I need him. Be right back. **Shunpoes to get Renji off of street corner where he was "parked"**

Ichigo: Now that she's gone, I need to say this. She is evil. Please stop her. Please save us. The address is-

Kitty-sama: Ichigo. Stop making up dramatic shit. While it may make my show seem exciting, you all are getting paid.

Ichigo: when'd you get back? And what are we getting paid?

Kitty-sama: I was using shunpo, so I've been back for a while. And you're paid with the feeling that you are doing something good for society.

Ichigo: What good am I doing society by being here?

Kitty-sama: you're entertaining them.

Ichigo: so… you're going to the lake, eh?

Kitty-sama: yeah! And I found this cute swimsuit, with ruffles on the top to hide Uryu's chest. Or lack there of.

Uryu: I don't wear a top.

Kitty-sama: so you just wanna go around topless. Well that's illegal, for your information.

Uryu: no it's not! Guys go around topless all the time!!

Kitty-sama: But girls can't do that, Uryu. Now put your shirt back on.

Uryu: I don't have to. Because I'm a guy. And guys don't need shirts. They don't need pants or underwear either. **Takes off pants and underwear** MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! **Runs out door and straight into traffic**

Kitty-sama: god. If she wants to be a guy that bad she should just get a sex change. She'll be back. I promise.

Inoue: I think you scared her.

Kitty-sama: Well we're leaving to the lake now… see ya!

--

Kitty-sama: I own!

Renji: you own what?

Kitty-sama: no… it's just something people… you know what? never mind.

Renji: What?

Kitty-sama: nothing.

Rukia: can't you see that you're an idiot Renji? Just shut up!

Renji: whatever.

Kitty-sama: As you can see, I am posting a day early because I posted a day late last week, I have nothing to do, and the pop tarts are gone.

Renji: What do pop tarts have to do with it?

Kitty-sama: I want pop tarts.

Renji: oh.

Kitty-sama: Well, we're going to jump right into the reviews today.

_omg. Cosplay. Bleach. Byakuya looking like Kagome. ALL IN ONE EPISODE?! YOU MUST MAKE ICHIGO AND BYAKUYA FALL OFF A CLIFF! Oh ya can you also have Sesshomaru-sama there too?_

Yay. I get Renji as my slave for a week 8). Maybe I can make some money off him. Is that all right Kitty-taichou-sama? I mean I can have him be a clown for b-day parties or he can shunpo and steal other people's money for me. Ah the possibilities :).

_-fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: Sesshomaru is invited, of course!

Renji: I am not enjoying the birthday parties. Those kids are like piranha. They eat me.

Kitty-sama: then you'll think next time you are mean to reviewers?

Renji: hell no.

Kitty-sama: then I'll add another three days to your sentence. I will get you back on Friday.

Renji: no. Please? don't make me go back!

Kitty-sama: too late. You should have thought before you spoke.

Ichigo: how bout the ne-

_**RANDOM DANCE!!**_

Kitty-sama: alright. Everyone dance.

Kon: okay, this is a sight that is mildly very scary. A whole bunch of people cosplaying from different shows dancing terribly.

Kitty-sama: okay random dancing over. we all suck at dancing. reviews now.

_renjis name is changed to flaming and can set all but kitten-sama's assail on fire_

_-kitten-sama fan_

Renji: Fire!

Kitty-sama: it said _could_ not _will_

Renji: respect the viewers. bla bla bla. guess who I am?

Kitty-sama: you're the Shinigami who's about to be stuck in the locky room all day.

Ichigo: next review.

Kitty-sama: **dancing and singing** you nag it to the left, and you nag it to the right. c'mon everybody do the nag tonight!

_Wow, you put my review in?! Thanks. A random dance button, great idea, ErisedPandaGirl! O.o Ichigo should be Ichigo from Tokyo Mew Mew. Toshirou should either be Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist or Negi Springfield from Negima ((b/c of the height)).  
-Sheepsama13_

Ichigo: how'd she know what I was dressed as?

Kitty-sama: it was a predictable cosplay choice

Toshirou: I was gonna be Pudding with Ichigo.

Yachiru: you can't be Pudding, cuz I'm Pudding!

Toshirou: are not!

Yachiru: are too!

Toshirou: are not!

Yachiru: are too!

Kitty-sama: **standing in locky room **hey, Yachiru, Toshirou! I've got somecandy in here!

Yachiru and Toshirou: yay!!

Everyone that has ever been in squad 11: Nooooooooo!!

Kitty-sama: **slams locky room door and locks **its sugar free.

Everyone that has ever been in squad 11: oh. thank god.

Kitty-sama: well, it's about that time!

Lord Sesshomaru: **walks in door**

Byakuya: **runs up to Sesshomaru** Lord Sesshomaru! I am your biggest fan! can I have an autograph?

Kitty-sama: oo oo oo talking to Sam! he moved to Kentucky! another bleach fan!

Uryu: can we just start the contest now?

Kitty-sama: I see you're back. good.

Byakuya: can I start? please?

Kitty-sama: I guess. this is Byakuya, dressed as Kagome from Inuyasha.

Ichigo: my turn!

Kitty-sama: and here's Ichigo, dressed as the lovely Ichigo Momoiya of Tokyo Mew Mew!

Inoue: how bout me?

Kitty-sama: Inoue is dressed as Wolfina from Zombie Powder

Matsumoto: my turn

Kitty-sama: Matsumoto is drunk and I can't tell what she's supposed to be but she kind of looks like a dog and she has a sword.

Matsumoto: I'm Inuyasha. can't you tell?

Kitty-sama: Jinta, dressed as Naruto, and Ururu is Tenten from Naruto

Rukia: me next!

Kitty-sama: Rukia is dressed as Berry of Tokyo Mew Mew a la Mode. I suppose she couldn't resist the rabbit ears.

Karin: how bout me.

Kitty-sama: Karin is dressed as, well, Karin Marker form Chibi Vampire, or the anime is known as Karin.

Kon: guess who I'm cosplaying as?

Kitty-sama: a dumb ass?

Kon: no fair! I'm not wearing a costume!

Kitty-sama: cosplaying as Zakuro is Renji, Lettuce is Ukitake, and Mint is Gin!

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Kitty-sama: la cucaracha, la cucaracha, en- cha la da, bla bla bla…

Renji: la cucaracha, la cucaracha, and a burrito bla bla bla!!

Kitty-sama: and finally… cosplaying as Sasuke is Ulquiorra!

Renji: but Ulquiorra doesn't look anything like Sasuke?

Kitty-sama: who cares? they're both emo!

Uryu: all costumes worn today, aside form Rangiku's, were made by Uryu Ishida.

Kitty-sama: and before we go, I have an announcement. Coming soon to a youtube near you… Bleach in the Morning: The Show.

Renji: Review, please.

Kitty-sama: Preview for next episode… Interview with Hueco Mundo!!

Ichigo: I'm not a strawberry.


	8. Chapter 8

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: sorry for not posting until today, loyal viewers. We were experiencing technical difficulties. But hey, at least I'm not dead!

Renji: are you eating chocolates?

Kitty-sama: **shifty eyes** maybe…

Renji: are you going to share those chocolates?

Kitty-sama: no.

Renji: why not?

Kitty-sama: They're mine. Oh! I forgot something! Ichigo, Byakuya, come here!

Ichigo/Byakuya: What?

Kitty-sama: follow me! **Leads Ichigo and Byakuya to cliff** look at this!

Ichigo/Byakuya: what?

Kitty-sama: **pushes Byakuya/Ichigo off cliff**

Ishida: Hey, Kit-

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Kitty-sama: ya nag it to the left, ya nag it to the right, c'mon everybody, do the nag tonight!

Renji: why? Why?

Kitty-sama: AAAAAAHHHHH! OMFG my eyes!!

Renji: what is it?

Kitty-sama: I saw Ishida dancing.

Ishida: Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask about. I got a letter in the mail that says I'm enrolled for ballroom dancing.

Kitty-sama: yah. I enrolled you in a ballroom dancing class. And that's why. Now tomorrow we're gonna hit the stores, and find you a nice dress.

Ishida: I'm NOT A… you know what, let's just do reviews now, kay?

Kitty-sama: fine.

_Happy b-day! i like the random dance button! Stop being mean to people, Renji. It ain't nice. Because of that, I think you should be senteced to 3 hours in the locky closet and random dancing. Yachiru is also in there,and she just ate candy! Ultimate punishment!Oh, BTW, can there be a talent show?! See ya peoplez later!  
P.S.: U rock Gin!_

_-animemaster62_

Kitty-sama: thanks!

Renji: **starts dancing** damn.

Kitty-sama: you will dance the whole show and then go in the locky closet. And a talent show sounds fine!

Gin: why thank you, wonderful viewer!

_No! I'm Lord Sesshomaru's biggest fan! :'( MUST KILL BYAKUYA KUCHIKI! (Warning: I stop at NOTHING once my target is acquired. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!)_

Thx for having Lord Sesshomaru-sama on the show. Arigato!

_-fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: wow… looks like Renji's screwed! No problem!

Ichigo: what the hell?

Kitty-sama: but… I pushed you off the cliff…

Ichigo: I shunpoed back up.

Kitty-sama: and Byakuya?

Ichigo: wasn't fast enough.

Kitty-sama: oh well. He'll be back. Eventually. Anyways, next review!

_The Random Dance button is working out great, but maybe it will one day turn evil and someone will dance until they drop! This is to Uryu: PLease just give in, it's not worth the argument. You indeed are a woman. And Renji: Stop singing…_

_-Sheepsama13_

Uryu: but… but…

Kitty-sama: shut up, woman!

Renji: why? I think my voice is beautiful!

Kitty-sama: I beg to differ

Renji: Oh really?

Kitty-sama: yes. Now let's begin our interviews. The program list is as such: Gin, Aizen, Tosen, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, and Szayel-Apollo Grantz.

Gin: so, I'm first, I guess.

Kitty-sama: yes. So, what is it like to play second fiddle to Aizen?

Gin: I feel like I'm being ordered around by an idiot.

Kitty-sama: you know, if you killed Aizen, you wouldn't have this problem.

Gin: I know, but this project would be out the window without him.

Kitty-sama: next question… Which is your favorite of Aizen's creations?

Gin: Wonderweice, cuz he doesn' ignore me.

Kitty-sama: okay, Aizen's turn.

Aizen: I would rather not be here

Kitty-sama: who cares? Anyways, what's it like to rule Hueco Mundo.

Aizen: it's kinda nice, actually. Everyone is under your command, and everyone does whatever you want.

Kitty-sama: kinda like my setup here. Only bigger. Next question… why did you choose Gin as a partner?

Aizen: I figure next to him, I'll always look smart.

Kitty-sama: that's why I chose Renji as my partner in this show. Or at least, my best friend.

Byakuya: what was that for? You stupid bitch!

Kitty-sama: damn right I am.

Byakuya: you pushed me off of a cliff.

Kitty-sama: and you didn't die

Byakuya: But I had to walk back up here, tho.

Kitty-sama: fluffylover119 wanted you and Ichigo to fall off of a cliff so it happened.

Byakuya: oh. I forgive you, then. Anyways, grudges aren't very noble.

Kitty-sama: moving on. Tosen, your turn.

Tosen: …

Kitty-sama: so, what's it like to be blind.

Tosen: I resent that.

Kitty-sama: just answer the question

Tosen: it sucks. There. Are you happy?

Kitty-sama: yes. Next question… why are you named after toes?

Tosen: named after toes?

Kitty-sama: yes. Toes-en.

Tosen: you're an idiot. I'm out of here.

Kitty-sama: good. I didn't want to interview you anyways.

Ulquiorra: I guess you want to interview me now.

Kitty-sama: yes. Why are you emo?

Ulquiorra: emo? I'm not emo. I'm out of here. I agree with Tosen.

Kitty-sama: Grimmjow. Does Ulquiorra piss you off, or is that just me.

Grimjow: nobody likes him. That's why he's emo.

Kitty-sama: what's it like to work under Aizen?

Grimmjow: it's not bad. He's kinda nice.

Kitty-sama: what's it like to be an espada?

Grimmjow: it's a lot better than my life before it, so I must admit, I'm pretty happy with it.

Kitty-sama: thanks. Szayel-Apollo, it's your turn.

Szayel-Apollo: thanks

Kitty-sama: are you gay?

Szayel-Apollo: I am neither gay nor straight for I can't be in relationships as an espada.

Kitty-sama: interesting. That's all. I didn't care about anything but that. You are dismissed.

Renji: hey! We have almost 500 hits on the story!

Kitty-sama: well, time to wrap up. Preview for next episode: talent show!

Renji: review please!!

Ichigo: I'm not a strawberry.


	9. Talent show

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: ooh. I learned something very important today.

Renji: what did you learn?

Kitty-sama: if you have a problem, all you need to do is ignore it and it will fix itself eventually!

Ichigo: I thought it was if you have a problem, then try really hard and don't give up.

Kitty-sama: naaaaaw. Cuz then you'd have to actually get off your ass.

Inoue: oh! That makes sense!

Ishida: are you saying that if I ignore you calling me a girl, you'll stop?

Kitty-sama: just cuz you ignore me doesn't mean I'll lie for you.

Ishida: I. Am. Not. A. Girl.

Kitty-sama: yes you are!

Hanago: Toshirou! C'mere!

Toshirou: **runs away** nooooooo!!

Hanago: Wait!!

Kitty-sama: Toshirou, you be nice to my sister or I'll kick your little ass.

Toshirou: **whimpers**

Hanago: here! I got you a watermelons!

Toshirou: oh. I thought you were gonna eat me. Thanks.

Hanago: heehe! Knock knock.

Kitty-sama: shut up.

Hanago: crakken.

Kitty-sama: don't you dare say it.

Hanago: CRACK!! Mwahahahaha!!

Kitty-sama: you're such a dumbass.

Uryu: can we just do reviews?

Kitty-sama: fine.

_Yay. They fell of a cliff :). But I still hate you Byakuya :L. Can you give me his autograph of Sesshomaru-sama? I feel that Byakuya shouldn't be special. By the way thanks for reviewing my story :). (no offense Rukia, but your sorta in critacal condition right now and close to the brink of death. But thats gonna fuel Byakuya-teme's hatred for Sesshomaru sama so then Sesshomaru sam can kick Byakuya-teme's ...) That will be very enjoyable to write :)._

_-fluffylover119_

Byakuya: I hate you, too. You'll never get this autograph.

Kitty-sama: Don't worry. You'll get it. Plus, no problem! I enjoy reviewing other author's stories!

Byakuya: hahaha!! You'll never get my autograph!

Kitty-sama: hey Byakuya, can I see that autograph?

Byakuya: fine. Just don't give it to her.

Kitty-sama: I won't. now lemme see it.

Byakuya: here.

Kitty-sama: here ya go fluffylover119.

Byakuya: but… you said you wouldn't…

Kitty-sama: I lied. Get over it.

_Obviously Renji's not going to be singing, (please no!). Bya-kun should be able to get down all funky and Aizen should try to play houdini in a locked box going to be set on fire and not be fast enough. w Sayonara!_

-Sheepsama13

Renji: why can't I sing

Kitty-sama: cuz you suck

Renji: …

Byakuya: what does that mean?

Kitty-sama: I'm tired of explaining things to you. Just look things up on the laptop.

Byakuya: okay. How?

Kitty-sama: click on internet explorer and type in what you need to find.

Byakuya: okay

Aizen: watch this! ama lock myself in this box of fire and magically escape

Kitty-sama: you do that. This'll be fun

Aizen: **locks self in box** Gin, light my box on fire

Gin: **lights box on fire**

Aizen: help! I'm stuck! I'm gonna die!

Kitty-sama: no, cuz I can't kill any of you for some reason. But you will end up with severe burns, tho.

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Kitty-sama: row row row your boat, gently down the stream!

Ichigo: had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb!

Gin: e f g, h I j k l m n o p!

Uryu: in the sky, twinkle twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are!

Hanago: nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss.

Byakuya: aww, why'd you stop, Hanago? This computer is so interesting!

Kitty-sama: you think that's cool? Go to and look up Byakuya yaoi.

Byakuya: Okay! **Locks self in closet**

Kitty-sama: that oughta make for some entertainment later.

Gin: oh shit!

Kitty-sama: wha- WE FORGOT AIZEN!!

Gin: I'll get a fire hose

Kitty-sama: you just stay here, Gin. tobu no ue ni amagumo Kazeneko.

_Slash!_

Gin: that was… scary…

Kitty-sama: now get me pop tarts.

Ichigo: you're out.

Kitty-sama: then go to wal-mart and buy some.

Ichigo: I can't, for unspecified reasons having something to do with a contract and my forged signature on it.

Kitty-sama: that I have nothing to do with, by the way.

Ichigo: suuurrrre ya don't.

Byakuya: what the hell is your problem?

Kitty-sama: I was bored, okay?

Byakuya: no. not okay.

Kitty-sama: I'll take your angry no's as an, okay, sorry I understand.

Byakuya: It was bad enough that they had me paired with my lieutenant and stuff, but when they pair me with my sister, that's just wrong.

Hanago: I didn't know that's how you spelled wrong.

Ulquiorra: I'm here.

Hanago: Ulquiorra, I love you! Will you marry me?

Ulquiorra: trash! Who do you think you are?

Hanago: I ARE THE KING OF FRANCE! Who do I think I are…

Ulquiorra: I'm outta here, and I'm never coming back to this nuthatch.

Kitty-sama: we'll just see about that…

Ulquiorra: what'd you just say?

Kitty-sama: nothing

Renji: now that he's gone, next review

_Sorry, Ichigo, but you are a strawberry. Deal with it. Why don't you take out your anger on Byakuya? Oh, Renji. you've served you're punishment, so you're on my good side. and that's a good thing. Unlike Byakuya, who deserves the same punishment Renji just had. ULTIMATE PUNISHMENT 2!  
P.S.: U still rock out loud gin! You get 2,0 points for being awesome! Buh bye!_

_-animemaster62_

Ichigo: am not.

Kitty-sama: are too, now shut up.

Ichigo: oh. That's actually a good idea! Hey, Byakuya, I have something to tell you.

Byakuya: what.

Ichigo: ban kai!

Byakuya:** runs in locky room**

Ichigo: **follows Byakuya**

Kitty-sama: **locks door**

Renji: yesssss!

Byakuya: damn

Gin: owned! I own you!

Renji: …

Kitty-sama: he didn't get it when I explained it, either.

Rukia: bring on the next review

_My computer broke down and I had no internet :(  
But I'm back! Yay for my random dance button :D  
For the talent show Renji and Ichigo have to dance to peanut butter jelly time.  
Cookies for Kitty-sama!_

_-ErisedPandaGirl_

Kitty-sama: nooooo! That's horrid! But at least you're not dead! The random dance button pwns!

Renji: …

Kitty-sama: just get over that stuff

Renji: why?

Kitty-sama: cuz I gots cookies!

Toshirou: dam-

Kitty-sama: **glares**

Toshirou: darn it! That's what I said. Darn it. Now if you excuse me, I gotsa go to the bathroom **runs and locks door**

Uryu: he'd better hurry up, cuz I gotta go.

Kitty-sama: no, Toshirou's a boy, Ishida. Girls use the girl's bathroom.

Uryu: rrrrr…

Ichigo: I feel much better about being a strawberry

Byakuya: lucky I hid Hanatarou in there!

Hanago: what has four eyes, and a nose

Kitty-sama: two people, only one has a deformed face?

Hanago: no…

Kitty-sama: Ishida?

Hanago: no… a spider with four eyes poked out.

Kitty-sama: I don't think spiders have noses. Let's just start the talent show.

Ichigo/Renji: we are going to dance and sing peanut butter jelly time

Kitty-sama: they're dressed as bananas

Mooney Rat: YuNVVVVV ;;;IN IHLJ.AA

Ichigo: it's peanut butter jelly time

Renji: peanut butter jelly peanut butter jelly

Ichigo: where ya at

Renji: where ya at

Ichigo/Renji: peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!

Kitty-sama: well… that was… interesting. Next act.

Byakuya: Rukia and I will be showing off our excellent drawing skills.

Rukia: I drew a bunny! **Holds up picture resembling dog crap**

Byakuya: I drew a flower! **Holds up picture that is a circle and a stick, both poorly drawn**

Rukia: I drew a butterfly! **Looks like five year old's scribbles**

Byakuya: I drew a picture of you, kitty-sama!

Kitty-sama: is that… really what I look like?

Byakuya: **mistaking her sickness for happiness** yes!

Kitty-sama: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! I'M UGLY!!

Renji: U! G! L! Y! you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, yah yah, you ugly!

Kitty-sama: Renji, shut up! You're not allowed to sing, remember.

Hanago: I don't think you're ugly, kitty-sama, I think you're beautiful!

Kitty-sama: my god! I am ugly! **Looks in mirror** oh… it's not that bad… I'm okay… thought I was ugly there for a minute

Gin: Aizen was going to perform a magic trick, but he had an unfortunate accident. I, his lovely assistacant will be performing in his place

Kitty-sama: Gin, why are you wearing a dress?

Gin: Aizen said I was apposed to wear it. So I will

Kitty-sama: continue.

Gin: I need a volunteer!

Hanago: I will!

Gin: Anyone?

Hanago: Pick me!

Gin: Anyone?

Hanago: I will!

Gin: Anyone?

Hanago: me!

Gin: how bout the loverly cat!

Kitty-sama: I… guess

Hanago: noooooooooo!

Gin: I am going to float this person with bizarre cat ears and a tail…

Kitty-sama: that is irrelevant information. Just do your trick

Gin: in the air. Ready?

Kitty-sama: JUST DO YOUR DAMN TRICK!

Gin: here ya go.

Kitty-sama: I didn't think dress- man would actually be able to do it!

Gin: yah, it's the gettin' ya down part thas the prolem.

Kitty-sama: ** Glares**

Gin: I'll catch ya, though.

Kitty-sama: you'd better, if you value your life.

Hanago: she says that to me twice a day!

Kitty-sama: ow. Rat bastard. But you're still my third favorite.

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Kitty-sama: Duh da da da. mooney is a rat. Duh da da da. mooney is a rat. Duh da da da. mooney is a rat.

Hanago: I always feel that… some body's watching me-ey! And I got no pri-va-cy!

Renji: I'm not allowed to sing, so I'll just dance.

Kitty-sama: Ulquiorra will be performing the closing act, a performance to a song. **Shoves Ulquiorra on stage**

Ichigo: **turns on emo kid song**

Ulquiorra: **just standing on stage**

Ulquiorra: **still standing there**

Ulquiorra: **continuing to stand there**

Kitty-sama: you know, the song ended about ten minutes ago. You can leave now.

Ulquiorra: **turns around and walks off stage and out doors**

Kitty-sama: well, that's all we have for ya today. Hanago came up with next time's theme.

Hanago: theme for next episode: show and tell

Renji: review or I'll beat the hell outta ya!

Ichigo: I'm a strawberry and I proudly take my anger about it out on Byakuya.


	10. Show and tell!

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: Ishida. Here. Now.

Ishida: what?

Kitty-sama: I don't know. Go away and leave me alone.

Renji: I have a feeling that I'm supposed to be taking a beating right now.

Kitty-sama: I feel like beating you for what you've done.

Renji: but… what've I done.

Kitty-sama: been in a creepy yaoi fanfic involving you and Ichigo.

Ichigo: Wha-?

Kitty-sama: that's right. I am anti- yaoi! But not anti- gay. Just anti- yaoi.

Renji: well, what is it that I did?

Kitty-sama: well… to be quite frank and straight to the point… Ichigo.

Renji: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ichigo: that's… that's… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Kitty-sama: But I know it's not realistic, because they were gonna make Renji a captain.

Renji: yea- what? You don't think I could make captain?

Kitty-sama: not right now…

Renji: I hope I make captain, cuz then I have an excuse to leave your show.

Byakuya: you see how well that works for me? The stupid bitch barely feeds me.

Kitty-sama: damn right I am. And I let you eat whatever you want whenever you want. Just not on the show. That's why you live in the closet. Cuz you eat so damn much.

Byakuya: but I'm still here, though.

Kitty-sama: you think I care about your problems? I have my own.

Byakuya: yeah? Like what?

Kitty-sama: for example, the person sitting to the right of me.

Hanago: ha ha Harry. Wait, I'm the person on the right of you. I think you mean the left.

Kitty-sama: no, I mean the right.

Renji: Harry is her little nii-san.

Rukia: You need to put me in your stories more.

Kitty-sama: you're kinda boring compared to these goons **points at Ichigo, Renji, and Byakuya, in the middle of wrestling and arguing**

Rukia: well…I suppose you're right there…

Kitty-sama: how'd ya like to co-host with me for a couple a episodes to get you in here…?

Rukia: Kay!

Kitty-sama: let's do r-

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Kitty-sama: I'm reeeap- ing the souls! Rukia!

Rukia: Wieeeeld- iiiiing my zampakuto! Kitty-sama!

Kitty-sama: What a Glooooo- rious feel- ing it is to KILL THE HOLLOWS UNTIL THEY DIE TO DEATHHH!!

Renji: I can't sing… so I'll just dance

Kitty-sama: Bya-kun! I forgot that you have to dance the whole episode for ultimate punishment 2!

Byakuya: **starts dancing** damn.

Rukia: how bout reviews now.

Kitty-sama: kay.

_LOL Emo Kid Song.  
I bet Rukia is gonna talk about chappy._

_-ErisedPandaGirl_

Kitty-sama: I thought that the emo kid song would be a good add in. You know, I kinda make these episodes up off the spot.

Rukia: chaaaaapppppyyyyyyy.

Kitty-sama: dammit. She is now.

Rukia: chappy is so cool! And she's fun and nice and cute! I love chappy! Nii-sama needs to get me more chappy things. Like chappy candy, and chappy stuffed animals, and chappy clothes, and chappy soul candy, and chappy chapstick…

Kitty-sama: she's never gonna stop this.

Rukia: and chappy posters, and chappy coloring books, and chappy bobbleheads, and chappy stories, and a real chappy, and a chappy cage, and chappy blankets, and chappy plates, and chappy cups, and chappy pajamas…

Kitty-sama: really. Never.

Rukia: and chappy pillows, and chappy pencils, and chappy bags, and chappy movies, and chappy wallpaper, and chappy necklaces, and chappy mailboxes, and chappy paper, and chappy spoons, and chappy forks, and chappy knives, and chappy butter knives, and chappy sporks, and chappy lamps…

Kitty-sama: hey Rukia! I have a story about chappy to tell you!

Rukia: yay! Chappy!

Kitty-sama: once upon a time there was a girl who wouldn't stop talking about chappy. She talked so much that chappy died because she stole all of chappy's oxygen. Moral of story, shut up.

Rukia: okay!

Kitty-sama: let's do the next review before she starts talking again.

_Finally! Ichigo became a strawberry! And Byakuya-teme gets hurt because of it! Plus arigato for giving me his autograph! Renji, you suck. I can't believe you can't sing! I've been in vocals for 6 years! And now I miss it :(. Plus I preformed in Carnegie Hall :). And Byakuya yaoi? Now that's just plain wrong. I mean who would draw them?_

3...  
2...  
1...

OMG! I JUST GOT A MENTAL IMAGE! I HAVE BEEN SCARRED FOR LIFE!

(Due to fluffylover119 being scarred for life, she is taking therapy trying to recover from this. Don't worry! She will still be able to review your wonderful episodes :)! )

_-fluffylover119_

Ichigo: Byakuya… come here please…

Byakuya: … what.

Ichigo: ban kai.

Byakuya: **runs into locky room**

Ichigo: **chases after him**

Kitty-sama: **shuts and locks door** no problem! Bya-kun doesn't deserve it.

Renji: just cuz you can sing doesn't mean I can.

Kitty-sama: **hits Renji over the head with large stick** bad. Be nice to viewer.

Renji: sorry. Wow! You preformed in Carnegie Hall? Wow!

Byakuya: **shouting from locky room** I think I had it worse than you.

Kitty-sama: I'm sorry we caused you emotional scarring.

Rukia: didn't mean

Kitty-sama: what she's trying to say is, we didn't mean to.

Rukia: SHUT UP! You're going to kill chappy!

Kitty-sama: chappy only dies if we're talking about chappy.

Rukia: oh.

Kitty-sama: next review.

_hey! Wazz up peoplez? Renji, you shouldn't sing OR dance. Ichigo, you still can take your anger out on Byakuya. And, I Renji sings or dances, you can take it out on him too.  
P.S.: Gin and Hanataro still rock!!_

_-animemaster62_

Kitty-sama: hey!

Renji: but… when the random dancing button goes off, I hafto, though.

Ichigo: **shouting from locky room** I am!

Renji: but… but…

Gin: haha! I pwn you all!

Hanataro: yay! Somebody likes me!

Kitty-sama: aww, Hanataro, I like you… you just don't talk a whole lot.

Hanataro: oh.

Rukia: Review. I'm not talking about chappy.

Kitty-sama: you just did,

Rukia: I'm not talking about chappy now.

Kitty-sama: you still are.

Rukia: do the reviews!

_Wow, Ulquiorra came in! I bet Uryu brings a dress that he wears. Byakuya should bring a book that him and Gin enjoyed. Thanks for having my reviews in! Best of luck with singing, Renji._

-Sheepsama13-

Uryu: **twitch** I don't own any dresses.

Kitty-sama: are you serious! Then we need to go to the store right now and get you some! What kind of a girl doesn't have any dresses? And the just cuz all I ever wear are jeans and t shirts doesn't mean I don't own dresses. I just opt not to wear them.

Uryu: I'm not even gonna say anything here.

Byakuya: **emerges from locky room** wow. She's good.

Renji: I've given up on singing.

Kitty-sama: damn. Cuz I enrolled you in singing lessons.

Renji: Really? Thank you so much!

Kitty-sama: It's cuz you wanted to so badly. And so that we all don't have to suffer whenever you take a shower.

Rukia: let's do show and tell now! Can I start?

Kitty-sama: I guess.

Rukia: This is my bunny rabbit named… uh…

Kitty-sama: it's okay, you can say it. Just this once though.

Rukia: named Chappy. He likes carrots and oranges and Renji's hair to eat.

Renji: …

Kitty-sama: thank you, Rukia. We will proceed to the left of the sharer around the whole circle, like so: Rukia, Byakuya, Renji, Ichigo, Inoue, Ishida, Gin, Hanataro, Ulquiorra, and finally ending with myself.

Rukia: Bya-nii-sama, your turn.

Byakuya: This is the book Gin and I read when he was in soul society, The Pretty Rainbow. It's about a pretty rainbow.

Kitty-sama: Byakuya, I think this explains a lot about you today. What kind of child's book is that? The Pretty Rainbow. It made Byakuya Kuchiki gay!

Gin: You remembered my favorite book! Yay!

Byakuya: Renji, your turn.

Renji: these are the fragments of dozens of pairs of glasses that I spent half of a year's salary on only to get destroyed. I mourn over them daily.

Kitty-sama: o- kay…

Renji: **sobbing**

Kitty-sama: moving on… Ichigo's turn.

Ichigo: why do we have to be doing show and tell? Shouldn't we be off fighting hollows and stuff?

Kitty-sama: you forgot, didn't you?

Ichigo: yes

Kitty-sama: why don't you show your substitute shinigami badge?

Ichigo: Okay. This is my substitute shinigami badge that Ukitake gave me. It makes me happy cuz it says that The Soul Society trusts me.

Byakuya: I don't trust you

Kitty-sama: you don't trust anyone. You don't count.

Ichigo: Inoue's turn.

Inoue: this is my cooking apron, and cooking is my favorite thing to do, so I chose it to show you.

Byakuya: might I suggest now learning how to cook?

Rangiku: she's actually a good cook. You can just shut up, baka.

Inoue: Ishida's turn!

Ishida: this is my sewing stuff, which I sew with.

Kitty-sama: gee, someone sewing with sewing stuff… we never woulda figured that one out on our own.

Ishida: Gin, just go.

Gin: here's a stick I found

Kitty-sama: Gin, I don't think you quite get it… you're supposed to show something that means something to you.

Gin: this does. It means that I found a stick and you didn't.

Kitty-sama: let's just move on to Hanataro

Hanataro: This is my wonderful zampakuto. It may look wimpy, but I love it.

Kitty-sama: good for you, Hanataro.

Ulquiorra: I hate you.

Kitty-sama: good. You should. Now show us your show and tell.

Ulquiorra: this is my pet cat, Grimmjow.

Grimmjow: …

Ulquiorra: I own him.

Kitty-sama: that's literal, Renji.

Ulquiorra: your turn, bitch.

Kitty-sama: damn right I am. This is a picture of our new horsie. She likes me and my nii-san, but she tried to fling my nee-chan off of her. It was funny

Renji: …

Kitty-sama: Before we go, we have a few announcements.

Rukia: First, our youtube show is a success, and you can find our shows under "Bleach in the Morning", and kitty's account is kittytaichousama.

Kitty-sama: second, I have put a poll up to see who should fall down a well on my site, so please visit and vote for your least favorite characters.

Rukia: third, we have officially put up our website, bleachinthemorning., which is also kitty-sama's homepage on her account display.

Kitty-sama: and fourth, we value everyone's reviews, and encourage you to review. We actually like reviews here, and much against the thoughts of many people, we really like them. So review, dammit.

Ichigo: I'm a strawberry, okay? Are you happy now?


	11. Ask A Captain

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Renji: why are you eating chips?

Kitty-sama: cuz they taste good.

Renji: c-

Kitty-sama: no.

Renji: why not?

Kitty-sama: cuz these chips are the only things that I have that Hanago isn't able to do so much better than me or that I can't do.

Renji: what's wrong?

Kitty-sama: I'm depressed cuz I can't do anything. Hanago got her pointe shoes and my mom is making me feel like shit for quitting dance… and ahm not good at tennis, and I can't be in the Olympics.

Renji: why?

Kitty-sama: cuz I can't do any of that stuff

Renji: then find something to do.

Kitty-sama: I'll take karate! I'll be this teenage girl among like, six year olds. But I'm willing to do that.

Renji: you're good at writing this story…

Kitty-sama: yah… I guess…

Rukia: moving on! We forgot to announce when the polls close. They close Friday, July 4th at 6:00 central time

Renji: that reminds me…

Renji/Ichigo: who voted for me!

Ichigo: Whoever voted for me is gonna get it! They'd better watch their back!

Renji: for Zabimaru and Zangetsu.

Kitty-sama: I think you two are overreacting a little.

Ichigo: are not.

Renji: we may have to fall-

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Kitty-sama: it seems to-day

Rukia: that all you see

Inoue: is violence in movies

Rangiku: and sex on TV

Kitty-sama/Rukia/Inoue/Rangiku: But where are those good old fashioned values, on which we used to rely!

Ishida: …

Renji: ohkay?

Kitty-sama: let's just do reviews

_Visit Fictionpress(dot)com, Fanfiction's sister site, for original fiction! It needs a lot more members - more writers and readers, like you guys! :D_

_-719435_

Kitty-sama: Hey, it's a review, it counts.

Renji: …

_Ichigo, Byakuya, Renji you guys are complete morons. I'm sorry I can't describe in detail because I'm not alowwed on the cpu for a while :'(. I'll try to sneek on though :)!_

_-fluffylover119_

Ichigo/Byakuya/Renji: **look up form fighting** are not.

Kitty-sama: aww that sucks. Ah well atleast you're not abandoning us.

_I liked when Gin brought a stick to show and tell LOL  
I'm feeling random today  
Ichigo has to dress up as a giant cookie and Yachiru is gonna want to eat him and he cant defent himself cause I hid his sword.  
Renji has to wear a hotdog suit and yell "Im A Weenie!"  
Byakuya has to mud wrestle with a pig_

_-ErisedPandaGirl_

Gin: why thank you!

Ichigo: …

Kitty-sama: **hands Ichigo cookie suit**

Ichigo: I'm not even gonna argue with ya this time. **Puts on cookie suit**

Yachiru: Yaaaaaaay! Cookie! **Jumps on Ichigo and bites cookie**

Ichigo: I'm glad this suit is protecting me.

Kitty-sama: you know the drill.

Renji: **puts on hotdog suit **I'M A WEENIE!!

Kitty-sama: that was good practice now go do that outside the building

Renji: **walks out door** I'M A WEENIE!!

Byakuya: … no.

Kitty-sama: okay, it would appear that we're gonna do this the hard way

Byakuya: define what you mean by the hard way…

Kitty-sama: tobu no ue ni amagumo Kazeneko

Byakuya: **gets in mud wrestling pit**

Kitty-sama: I thought so.

Pig: Squeeeeeeeeeee!

Byakuya: mommy…

_You have a youtube? I'll have to look at it. I don't see why everyone's punishment is not Ukitake-taichou coughing on them, or Komamura-taichou sitting on them. (Take that Renji's bad singing and Uryu's denial!)_

_-Sheepsama13_

Kitty-sama: Renji. Uryu. Come here.

Renji: what?

Ukitake: Ren- _cough cough_ ji fuku- _cough cough_ tai- _cough_ chou…

Kitty-sama: Thanks, Ukitake!

Ukitake: no pro- _cough cough cough_ blem…

Uryu: what.

Kitty-sama: Sit.

Komamura: **pants heavily**

Kitty-sama: good boy.

Uryu: I can't breathe…

_Hiya! ichigo, you can stop hurting byakushii. Start hurting someone else, say:  
ulquiorra  
aizen  
a random hobo ( I fear them. Wait, does Aizen count as a random hobo??)  
Oh, push Aizen down a deep dark shaft please. I hate him. And Tousan. G'bye, peoplez!  
P.S.: Gin, Hanataro, you guys still rock. Oh, Ichigo, face the facts. You are a strawberry. Deal with it._

_-animeviewer62_

Ichigo: This's gonna be fun.

Ulquiorra: gulp

Kitty-sama: I hate Ulquiorra so he's gonna die.

Ichigo: **chases Ulquiorra around studio**

Byakuya: whOO

Aizen: I am not a random hobo

Kitty-sama: yes you are.

Aizen: …

Tousen: did someone call me?

Kitty-sama: no one called ya, but animemaster62 did write something about ya.

Tousen: what?

Kitty-sama: she hates you

Tousen: …

Kitty-sama: Aizen, tousen, why don't cha follow me…

Aizen/Tousen: **follow kitty-sama**

Tosen: **keeps walking into deep dark shaft**

Aizen: **runs up to edge of shaft** Tousen! Are you-

Kitty-sama: **pushes Aizen down shaft** good riddance

Renji: **closes shaft's lid**

Gin: ha ha ha ha ha! I OWN!

Renji: **still doesn't get it**

Hanataro: hee hee!

Ichigo: In the process.

Ulquiorra: unfortunately.

_Sorry if I confused ya, but animeviewer62 and animemaster62 are the same person. sorry._

_-animemaster62_

Kitty-sama: figured as much

Rukia: time for today's part 2!

Kitty-sama: I forgot to tell you, but today is "Ask A Captain"

Rukia: so we have gathered all of the captains to ask them questions about their personal life.

Kitty-sama: We will go in order of squad.

Rukia: So, what's it like to be the soutaichou?

Yamamoto: it's kinda nice, actually.

Kitty-sama: do you enjoy bossing around shinigami?

Yamamoto: yes.

Rukia: thought so. Kay. Next!

Kitty-sama: Soi Fon. What was it like to be betrayed by yoruichi?

Soi Fon: it was horrible. **Sobbing**

Yoruichi: It's kay, soi fon. I'm here.

Soi fon: yay!

Rukia: do you love yoruichi?

Soifon: like an older sister!

Kitty-sama: cool. Next!

Rukia: Unohana! Why did you choose to heal people?

Unohana: it was just my zamapkuto's power. I didn't choose it.

Kitty-sama: do you ever get to fight?

Unohana: no. and that kinda sucks.

Rukia: next.

Kitty-sama: Bya-kun, do you ever order Rukia to do housework?

Byakuya: no, she's a noble.

Rukia: he's lying. I clean more than the servants.

Kitty-sama: Byakuya, go back to your closet.

Byakuya: fine.

Rukia: next.

Kitty-sama: komamura, are you okay with being a dog?

Komamura: do I have a choice?

Rukia: good point. Who bathes you?

Komamura: usually Kenny, cuz he always gets all the fleas…

Kitty-sama: next!

Rukia: why do you hang out with hoars?

Kyoraku: they're hot and it's fun to-

Kitty-sama: enough information.

Rukia: why do you keep hitting on Nanao?

Kyoraku: She's hot.

Kitty-sama: next.

Rukia: Why are you a kid?

Toshirou: I'm NOT A KID YOU-

Kitty-sama: reminding you that I'm here. You're cold as ice.

Toshirou: just ask the next question.

Kitty-sama: I did. I said you're cold as ice. Next!

Rukia: Why do you beat people up?

Kenny: cuz it's fun.

Kitty-sama: why is Yachiru your lieutenant?

Kenny: cuz she's like my little sister.

Rukia: next!

Mayuri: will you be my test subject?

Kitty-sama: no I ask the questions here.

Rukia: Why are you crazy.

Mayuri: I'm not.

Kitty-sama: next.

Rukia: why are you sick all the time?

Ukitake: I don't know.

Kitty-sama: why did you want to save Rukia?

Ukitake: she's in my squad

Kitty-sama: dismissed. Done.

Rukia: that's it for today. Next episode: Ask A Lieutenant.

Kitty-sama: be sure to visit our homepage at bleachinthemorning(dot)wetpaint(dot)com.

Rukia: I made the reviewers muffins!

Kitty-sama: bye bye!

Ichigo: I'm a strawberry.

Kitty-sama: hey Renji?

Renji: **with full mouth** what?

Kitty-sama: where'd ya get that chili dog?

Renji: kitchen.

Rukia: Kitty-sama? can you take me to red, white and boom with ya?

Kitty-sama: if you go as a shinigami.

Renji: can I go to red white and boom too? Wait what is it?

Kitty-sama: it's Kenny, Toshirou, and Ganju. It's a summer concert dumbass. And same as I told Rukia.

Ichigo: SAVE ME FRO-

Kitty-sama: NO! bad Ichigo! Oh shit is the camera still rolling? TURN IT OFF!!


	12. Ask A Lieutenant

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: hey didja know Burger king has veggie burgers now?

Renji: so?

Kitty-sama: Hanago's a vegetarian. I'm a pescitarian.

Renji: huh?

Kitty-sama: it means I only eat seafood meat.

Renji: oh.

Kitty-sama: so now we can all go out t eat and have food. Harry can have chicken McNuggets… wait… chicken BK nuggets… and Hanago can have a veggie burger, and I get the BK big fish.

Renji: oh…

Kitty-sama: Oh! This is a message to all fans… they don't realize it yet, but I jacked all the characters ipods and I'm gonna make a video of what I found on them!

Renji: what was that?

Kitty-sama: nothing…

Ichigo: hey, where'd my strawberry boxers end up?

Kitty-sama: like I know.

Ichigo: why's there a camera in here?

Kitty-sama: we're doing the show.

Ichigo: shit! Why'd ya let me go walking around here in my towel then?

Kitty-sama: I couldn't stop ya.

Rukia: 8o Ichigo where's your clothes?

Ichigo: …

Kitty-sama: well, isn't this awkward?

Ichigo: where're my clothes?

Rabid fangirl: Ichigo!! And he's naked!!

Kitty-sama: shit! A fangirl got in.

Renji: Ichigo, did you forget to put on your rabid fangirl repellant?

Ichigo: I thought they couldn't get in.

Kitty-sama: you're gonna get what you deserve.

Rabid fangirl: **snatches Ichigo's towel**

Kitty-sama: **shoves Ichigo onto street and locks studio door**

Ishida: wow. You're vicious. I didn't think you'd be that mean, but apparently you are.

Byakuya: that's almost heartless, sending him out to face the rabid fangirls alone.

Kitty-sama: you can go help him, if you want.

Byakuya: no thanks.

Renji: it's your fault.

Kitty-sama: fine, I'll go save him. But I won't be happy. Tobu no ue ni amagumo Kazeneko.

Ichigo: why'd ya do that?

Kitty-sama: that's what happens when you forget your fangirl repellant. I think you have learned your lesson.

Renji: now go put some clothes on.

Byakuya: on second thought, don't.

Kitty-sama: can't you be like that elsewhere? oh yeah, you don't get to be elsewhere.

Ichigo: That convinces me, I'll get dressed.

Rukia: don't forget the fangirl repellant!

Kitty-sama: let's get started on reviews.

_Konnichiwa Kitty-sama! luv your show! do you think you could try beating the evil out of Aizen? his evilness annoys me (and Aizen, you ARE a random hobo!) and Byakuya shoud wrestle in the mud again, but not with a pig this time. he shoud try a professional Lucha Libre wrestler! LONG LIVE RANDOMNESS! XD_

_-hellbutterfly421_

Kitty-sama: konnichiwa! Thanks! That's a great idea! Hey Aizen?

Aizen: yeah?

Kitty-sama: what's 2x4?

Aizen: eight?

Kitty-sama: **hits Aizen with a 2x4** no, wood.

Aizen: what're ya doing?

Kitty-sama: beating the evil outta ya.

Aizen: stop! Stop! Stop!

Kitty-sama: it's not working. All it's beating outta him is blood.

Renji: maybe you should keep trying.

Kitty-sama: okay! Mwahahahahahaha!!

Renji: she's having too much fun. I guess I'll host till then.

Byakuya: **gets in mud wrestling pit** oh shit.

Kitty-sama: I think it worked!

Renji: he's dead.

Kitty-sama: but he's not evil any more, is he?

Renji: I guess not…

Kitty-sama: see?

Renji: freak.

_I do have some questions. First, Nanao Ise, if you hate your captain hitting on you so much, why do you deal with it? And Matsumoto, why do you insist on shoving your breasts in Toshirou's face? Just a few questions, I want to know the answers to._

_-Sheepsama13_

Nanao: well… I… uh… I'm not sure. I guess I can stop, then!

Shunsuei: hey, Nanao, wanna get a-

Nanao: ** hits Shunsuei in the head with 2x4**

Kitty-sama: there. Now you're hitting on him.

Matsumoto: my breasts are full of play doh and he needs to play with play doh cuz that's what kids do.

Kitty-sama: that makes absolutely no sense. You're drunk.

Matsumoto: I'm not drunk; I just have a speech impediment. And the stomach flu. And I just gave blood.

Kitty-sama: shut up.

Matsumoto: there's a bird!

Kitty-sama: we're indoors.

Matsumoto: oh. There's a bird!

_**RANDOM DANCING!!**_

Matsumoto: what'cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk-

Nanao: **hits matsumoto with 2x4** man, that's fun!

Renji: are ya gonna help her?

Kitty-sama: nah, just leave her there.

Renji: good idea

_YAY! -hugs Hanatarou then hugs Rukia and jacks Renji's chili dog- I dont like Ulquirror he's to obsessed with trash can you push him into an endless pit? And can you push Ishida into an endless pit too? I just dont like him. 3 And I like Bleach In the Morning on Youtube. Judging by the comment on the Intro one is emodancerchik18 Hanago? oo_

_-Jessi-kiwi_

Hanataro: someone hugged me! Take that, squad 11!

Rukia: I gotsa fan!

Renji: hey! Get back here with that!

Byakuya: is it spicy?

Renji: no.

Ulquiorra: trash, trash, trashity trash!

Kitty-sama: you know you're on camera?

Ulquiorra: what? Why'd ya do that, trash?

Kitty-sama: go away.

Ulquiorra: trash.

Grimmjow: he says "okay"

Kitty-sama: hey who called the circus?

Renji: sorry

Kitty-sama: yes, emodancerchik18 is Hanago. Unfortunately. As well as I'm waiting for the poll results to push people down pits, anymore.

_Yay! Aizen and tousan are both down deep, dark shafts! W/ cave monsters! I approve of you slapping Ulquiorra, Orihime. Do it again!  
P.S.: Gin, Hanataro, both of yall still rock.  
P.S.S.: Ichigo and Renji, you guys offically rock!!_

_-master62_

Orihime: **slaps Ulquiorra** get out of the studio, trash! Man that felt good!

Kitty-sama: here, have a 2x4!

Orihime: **hits Ulquiorra with 2x4**

Gin: ha ha ha I own!

Renji: …

Hanataro: take that times 2, squad 11!

Ichigo: cool.

Renji: sweet!

Yachiru: did someone say something about candy?

Kitty-sama: no…

Rukia: Interviewing lieutenants!

Kitty-sama: I feel like skipping squads 1 and 2.

Rukia: so we'll start with Kira!

Kitty-sama: so, do ya have a girlfriend?

Kira: no…

Kitty-sama: where do ya live?

Kira: … in my mom's basement.

Kitty-sama: wow that's sad.

Kira: hey I'm not judging you, so don't judge me.

Rukia: next.

Kitty-sama: I'm skipping squad 4 too cuz they're boring.

Rukia: momo, what was it like to be betrayed by Aizen.

Momo: I believe that he didn't really betray us; Gin's just tricking us into believing that.

Kitty-sama: someone's in denial. Anyways, were you and Aizen dating?

Momo: no, but he was practically a father to me.

Rukia: kay, next!

Kitty-sama: Renji, do people often jack your chili dogs?

Renji: yes.

Kitty-sama: do you like Rukia?

Renji: if I didn't would she be my best friend?

Kitty-sama: no I mean like like.

Renji: just as a friend…

Rukia: next!

Kitty-sama: skipping seven, eight, and nine!

Matsumoto: I has boobs.

Kitty-sama: very good. Now what's your name?

Matsumoto: I'm not sure. Why?

Kitty-sama: next.

Rukia: Yachiru. Have you ever actually used your zampakuto?

Yachiru: no.

Kitty-sama: next! Nemu, why do you listen to Mayuri?

Nemu: because he's my creator.

Mayuri: Nemu! What are you doing taking a break? Get to work!

Ukitake: we don't have a lieutenant.

Kitty-sama: too bad!

Rukia: check out our website!

Orihime: Next episode is on July 4th.

Kitty-sama: don't forget! Next week's polls close Friday, July 4th at 6:00 central time! Preview for next episode:

Renji: that's all we have for ya today, and don't forget to review!

Ichigo: don't forget your fangirl repellant!


	13. Fourth of July Especial!

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: **jacks Renji's chili dog**

Renji: but! You don't even eat meat!

Kitty-sama: so? I didn't say I was gonna eat it, did i?

Renji: then can I have it back?

Kitty-sama: no. **throws chili dog away**

Renji: what the hell?

Kitty-sama: just keep asking. We'll never tell you.

Rukia: here Renji, take my chili dog **gives Renji chili dog**

Renji: thank-

Rukia:** jacks Renji's chili dog**

Renji: again… what the hell?

Rukia: we're not gonna tell ya.

Ishida: would you like my chili dog, Renji? You know me. **Gives Renji chili dog**

Renji: yes I do, and I know you won't-

Ishida: **jacks Renji's chili dog** or at least, you _thought_ you knew me.

Renji: this doesn't make any sense…

Kitty-sama: it's not supposed to.

Ichigo: welcome to my world, Renji.

Inoue: it's not nice to pick on other people, so I made Renji a special chili dog!

Renji: **takes chili dog** at least someone-

Inoue: **jacks renji's chili dog**

Renji: not you, too!

Kitty-sama: sut up you idiot!

Renji: did you just say sut?

Kitty-sama: yah I'm making fun of my friend, AF

Renji: is AF her initials?

Kitty-sama: in a way…

Renji: what do they stand for?

Kitty-sama: … Apple Fiend.

Renji: Apple Fiend?

Kitty-sama: long story.

Renji: I've got time.

Kitty-sama: she stole an apple from a hotel, so we decided to call her Apple Fiend, and that was her superhero name.

Renji: that wasn't long.

Kitty-sama: I'm not done. We have me, who is Psycho Bitch, which Jesse called me in science, god I hate that kid, anyways, and Femmy Boy, cuz someone sprayed perfume on buddy and he smelled like a girl for 3 days, and the Incredible Cheese Grater, Michelle, had a dream that Dumbledore went around grating harry potter's skin with a cheese grater.

Renji: wow…

Kitty-sama: still not done. There's the Ingenious Dr. Bendy Straw, who sucks your brain out with a bendy straw (ari) and finally, Hip Cat Daddy-o, cuz someone called Kaity that, and she scratches people's eyes out with her catlike claws. That's it.

Ichigo: you and your friends are crazy…

Kitty-sama: let's just do reviews…

_Kitty-sama u pwn. Gin i love u (mi is not a rabid fangirl) hana u r so cute hugs_

_Now as a moment of randomness...  
Aizen i hate u  
Kitty-sama i want u 2 tie aizen up as a pinyata and tell yachiru he has candy in him  
Next i dare bya-kun to kiss kenpachi_

Ps. Sesshomaru is hott!

_-AngelHeart92_

Kitty-sama: WhOO! I pwn!

Renji: …

Aizen: you should love me! I _am_ god-

Gin: **hits Aizen with 2x4** thank goodness he passed out, otherwise there would have been an at least thirty minute spiel on how he was god and deserved respect to the end of the earth.

Kitty-sama: that may just work **ties unconscious Aizen up by legs and arms and hangs from ceiling at Yachriru's height** Hey! There's candy in this piñata!

Toshirou/Momo/Yachiru: where!

Kitty-sama: right here. But you can only hit it with this stick **holds up 2x4**

Yachiru: me first!

Toshirou: no! Me!

Momo: …

Kitty-sama: since Momo's being a good girl, she gets to go first **hands momo 2x4**

Ichigo: **whimpering in corner**

Momo: **whack **I **whack **want** whack **my** whack **candy!** Whack**

Toshirou: my turn!

Momo: no little shirou!

Toshirou: gimme the stick, bedwetter momo!

Momo: **drops stick** itsygo! Lil shirou's calling me names!!

Ichigo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Small child!!

Toshirou: hey you fat bast-

Kitty-sama: **glares**

Toshirou: brat! Gimme my candy!

Yachiru: **steals 2x4** cannnnddddyyyyyy!

Kitty-sama: well, the piñata company lied to me. All this is filled with is Aizen's flesh and blood. Too bad!

Yachiru: I want candy!

Kitty-sama: oh. Whoops. Wrong piñata! **Throws real piñata into locky room**

Yachiru/Toshirou/momo: RAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! **Dives into locky room.**

Kitty-sama: **locks door **moving on…

Byakuya: okay!

Kenpachi: what's that kitty-sama? You say you have a surprise for me?

Kity-sama: oh it'll be a surprise alright! **Leads blindfolded Kenpachi into studio**

Kenny: what's that you say?

Kitty-sama: nothing

Byakuya: **kisses Kenny very passionately on the lips** I never would have done that if I wasn't dared to

Kitty-sama: that was a little too passionate for you have not wanted to do that…

Kenpachi: You and your rainbows and froo froo cherry flowers had better watch out, ya rat bastard!

Byakuya: **runs in locky room and hides**

Kitty-sama: don't worry. He'll be out soon

Byakuya: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! How could you let me go in there with those hyperactive monkeys?

Kenpachi: Run, flower boy

Byakuya: oh shit **runs like hell**

_Yo Kitty-taichou-sama!! xD You're show is doing really well!! I only have 2 requests: That Hitsugaya-kun - Okay, fine. Hitsugaya-TAICHO admits his undying love for me; and that he says more in future episodes ) I love Hitsugaya-Taicho! GLOMPS  
Also, Ichigo, yes u are a strawberry. But that's unbelievably cute. and Abarai-san, u make a pretty good looking pineapple... who else to talk to... Mayuri... You freak the hell outta me!_

Keep writting... er... talking... er... doing watever you're doing Kitty-taichou-sama!! D

_-Kukino3_

Kitty-sama: yo! It is, isn't it?

Toshirou: I wuv you kukino3! I wuv you so much that I wanna die wifout you!

Kitty-sama: he's had a little… okay a lot of sugar. But he still means it.

Ichigo: you mean… I could end up with a girlfriend?

Rukia: grrrrrrrr. Any girl who thinks about touching MY strawberry had better think TWICE!!

Ichigo: I love you too Rukia.

Rukia: **glomps Ichigo**

Ichigo: you do realize I was being sarcastic? She's not listening.

Kitty-sama: …

Ichigo: really though, about the girlfriend thing?

Rukia: itsygo! I wanna be your girlfriend.

Ichigo: **turns red** really?

Kitty-sama: obviously

Byakuya: HEY! STRAWBERRY! STAY AWAY FROM MY- OWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwww!!

Kitty-sama: don't think he'll be doing anything about it soon…

Renji: Same comment as Ichigo…

Kitty-sama: you don't need a girlfriend, Ren-chan! You've got me!

Renji: a poor substitute.

Kitty-sama: but a working one!

Mayuri: why thank you. Now will you be my test subject?

Nanao: **hits Mayuri with 2x4** mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Kity-sama : I think she's an addict. And you can count on that!

_Classic with the 2x4! I believe that Momo and Aizen should officially be blasted to the far away planet of Pluto(Yes, it is still a planet!) See ya soon!_

_-Sheepsama13_

Kitty-sama: **drags aizen's corpse into teleporter**

Momo: Aizennnnnnnnnn! **Leaps into teleporter**

Kitty-sama: **presses launch button**

Renji: was it really that easy?

Kitty-sama: well you watched…?

_I love 24's! But why stop at that? How about 48's? or flamethrowers? Ichigo, don't forget your fangirl repellent. It won't work on me though! I will get you, Renji, and Byakushii! hehehehe...  
P.S.: Gin and Hanataro, you guys will forever be awesome._

_-master62_

Kitty-sama: flamethrowers PWN! But I can't give one to Isshin, cuz the last time I did that he had it backwards and he burnt all his hair off.

Isshin: that's they didn't label the front and back.

Kitty-sama: shouldn't the fact that you had to _push_ the trigger have given you a hint that something wasn't right?

Isshin: I suppose…

Ichigo: what the hell are you doing here

Kitty-sama: this is my old Soul Society buddy, Kurosaki-taichou

Isshin: what is this taichou, or "Soul Society" you speak of. Is it a cool new game? **Steps on kitty's toes**

Kitty-sama: owwwwwww!! That hurt.

Isshin: I'll just go now….

Renji/Byakuya: **cower in corner, glancing around often**

Gin: HA!

Hanatarou: NATAROU!

_I have a great idea! Put Inchanted beads on Ichigo, Byakuya, and Renji so everytime you say sit they fall to the floor!_

_-fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: Amazing! **Puts enchanted beads on Ichigo, Byakuya, and Renji**

Ichigo/Byakuya/Renji: huh? Oh well.

_For 4 of July there should be lots of fireworks.  
And also a hot dog eating contest.  
One question for Kitty-sama  
Why did you write Ulquiora's name in the poll 3 times? He's my favorite character and he is the best._

_-ErisedPandaGirl_

Renji: chili dogs!!

Kitty-sama: it may or may not have something to do with me liking or not liking Ulquiorra…

Ulquiorra: TRASH!!

Grimmjow: translation is BITCH!!

Kitty-sama: damn right I am! Oh that reminds me, you have until Friday, July 18 for the poll.

Hanago: that's my birthday! Give me presents!

Kitty-sama: you'd be lucky to even get on the show.

Hanago: pweese?

Kitty-sama: just this once…

Renji: Now, tell me, what is this fourth of july thing?

Kitty-sama: that's right, you're all Japanese. You shoot off fireworks and do fun things in celebration of the US's Independence Day! And who is best for fireworks than our very own… KUUKAKU SHIBA!!

Audience: APPLAUSE!!

Kuukaku: thank you very much. Now I am going to shoot off fireworks for you, and you're gonna like it, whether you want to or not! Assisting me is the lovely-

Ganju: GANJU!!

Kuukaku: **beats ganju** I was gonna say yoruichi.

Yoruichi: And Kiske!

Kiske: **attacks yoruichi and tickles**

Kitty-sama: save it for later, you two.

Renji: chili dog.

Kitty-sama: he's excited for the hot dog contest. Ichigo, Renji, Rukia, inoue, and matsumoto will be competing. Ready, set, GO!

Seven Minutes Later

Kitty-sama: you official results, after this message from Radio Kon Baby!

Kon: Radio kon baby is looking for a co-host. Requirements include they must be female, she must be hot, kind, like hugging cute stuffed animals to her bosom, have at least a c cup-

Kitty-sama: **smashes kon** Ichigo ate 4 hot dogs, Rukia ate 8 hot dogs, inoue ate 22 hot dogs, matsumoto ate 23 hot dogs, and Renji ate 67 chili dogs. Renji is now in the hospital, and he resembles a fat pot belly pig. It's now 8 pm.

Kuukaku: Fireworks time!

Kitty-sama: well, it's about time to wrap up. It's 11 pm. Renji is throwing up chili dog, matsumoto is playing tag with her boobs, Toshirou and Yachiru are bouncing off of the walls, inoue is watching fireworks with her closest BFF Ishida, Rukia and Ichigo fell asleep next to eachother, and quite frankly look very cute, Yoruichi and Kiske have disappeared and I'm not in any rush to find them, and I'm laffing at Renji! Due to me being in texas, the next post will be on Friday, July 18th.

Ichigo: snoooore

Kitty-sama: **pokes Ichigo.**


	14. BONUS EPISODE

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: SURPRISE!!

Renji/ Ichigo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!1

Rukia: aren't you on vacation?

Ichigo: no, she's back.

Rukia: how would you know before everyone else?

Renji: I knew too…

Ichigo: she trapped my soul in a little bitty charm on hana, and took me with her.

Renji: she trapped me too…

Rukia: that's a little creepy…

Kitty-sama: I had nothing to do. All we did was sit around and watch The Office.

Renji: that's a good show, though.

Rukia: but… why didn't you take me?

Kitty-sama: I did… you were asleep the whole time.

Rukia: oh.

Kitty-sama: I decided that my loving fans deserved an extra bonus episode.

Ishida: texas is too hot for my taste.

Kitty-sama: well, if you had worn the cute skirt and tanktop I bought you instead of your quincy outfit, you may have been cooler.

Ishida: …

Inoue: texas was so fun! And I got to cook, too!

Kitty-sama: fortunately, that was the night we ordered pizza, so all she did was call papa johns.

Renji: hell- ooooo. I'm still here.

Kitty-sama: **jacks Renji's chili dog** haha sucker. It's mine now!

Byakushii: Kitty-sama! I want some- hey wait, why does my name appear as Byakushii?

Kitty-sama: oh shit! A rabid fangirl got in!

Byakushii: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Itsugo: haha I wore my repellant!

Lil' Shiro: How'd a fangirl get in?

Rabid fangirls: BYAKUSHIIIIIII!! ITSUGOOOOO!! LIL SHIROOOOOO!!

Kitty-sama: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! **Beats fangirls with broom over the head until they're unconscious.**

Byakuya: are they gone?

Kitty-sama: well, you're Byakuya again, so I guess so.

Ishida: Why didn't I get any fangirls?

Kitty-sama: Silly quincy! Fangirls are for boys!

Ishida: just review

_Renji can't have hotdogs for a week.  
I love your story. Keep up the good work.  
I'm not gonna be able to update or review anything cause I'm going to Disney for 3 weeks.  
Torture Ichigo more in your spare time.  
Bye bye!_

_-ErisedPandaGirl_

Renji: NOOOOoooooooo!!

Kitty-sama: I sure will! Thanks!

Gin: Bye bye!

Kitty-sama: **hits Ichigo over the head with pan** sit boy!

Ichigo/Byakuya/Renji: **fall to floor**

_Can I say something? July 15 is..._

Wait for it...

My birthday! Yay!!

Can you continously say sit so Ichigo, Renji, and Byakuya can end up in China? Then invite Lord Sesshomaru-sama?

BTW: Your show rocks my socks! And I love the new Hancock movie!! And I hate Byakuya! And I Love Lord Sesshomaru-sama and pie!

One last thing. Byakuya, is it true that when you were young you were very hotheaded? I read it on the Chapter Turn Back the Pendulum 4. You can read the translation on . You had your hair stolen by Yoruichi :D. BTW when you search the chapter its at the bottom and is # -105 kay?

_-Fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: HAPPYBIRTHDAY!! For your birthday, I give you Renji and Ichigo as your slaves for a week (save shows, of course)

Renji/Ichigo: whaaat?

Kitty-sama: already read it!

Byakuya: I WAS NOT HOTHEADED DAMMIT!!

Kitty-sama: ha ha bya-kun is a hot head. And he got his hair ribbon stolen by a gi- irl!

Byakuya: well yeah? **Sticks tongue at kitty-sama**

Kitty-sama: mature.

Byakuya: yeah, real mature kitty-sama

_lol yesh aizen is gone!  
kitty-sama thanks for putting my review up. now kenpachi i feel very sorry i made u do that so i dare kitty-sama to put u and bya-kun in a very big room so u can do what ever u want to him.  
gin ur still awesome. kitty-sama u still pwn. and hanaturo ur still cute!_

_-AngelHeart92_

Aizen: am not!

Kitty-sama: **shoots Aizen with flametorch** are too.

Kenny: YESH!

Byakuya: damn.

Gin: Ha ha!

Kitty-sama: mm hmm.

Renji: …

Hanatarou: take that squad 11!

_I love your randomness. And Toshirou is short... That's why me, and all his fangirls love him! Go Chibi captain._

I can tell you don't like Toshirou-Taichou

_-Chibi Captain Hitsugaya_

Kitty-sama: flashlight!

Toshirou: I'm not short! I'm fun size!

Kitty-sama: it's not that I dislike him… it's that Hanago likes him.

Toshirou: well, that's all folks!

Kitty-sama: next episode: Happy Hanatarou day!

Renji: see y'all later

Kitty-sama: maybe Renji shouldn't visit texas anymore.

Renji: HOWDY!

Kitty-sama: Quick reminder, this is your last chance to vote on the poll!

Ichigo: I'm a strawberry, but now I'm a strawberry with a girlfriend!


	15. Happy Hanatarou Day!

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: Hanago and I played spades-

Byakuya: what's spades?

Kitty-sama: it's gambling, the opposite of hearts pretty much, anyways, we played as partners, where we have to bet on how many tricks we can take individually, but the pair have to take the total amt. of tricks, and I say I can take 3 tricks, she bets 5 for her. I take 4 tricks, she takes none. Needless to say, we lost.

Renji: I can play spades! I'll be your partner next time!

Kitty-sama: I wish. And what makes me mad is as soon as we switched teams, 2 games later, she magically turned good. I've never lost a game of spades til I played on her team. A rock would be a better partner. We couldn't win, even when I cheated.

Ichigo: SHUT UP! Just shut up!

Kitty-sama: who do you think you are, telling me to shut up?

Ichigo: sorry.

Kitty-sama: to the locky room for you! **Locks locky room**

Renji/ Byakuya: **whimpers in corner**

Ishida: damn you're in a mood today!

Kitty-sama: **hits ishida with 2x4** mwahahahahaha!!

Renji: calm down, kitty-sama.

Kitty-sama: **hisses at Renji** make me.

Byakuya: it's okay to be angry.

Kitty-sama: no shit, captain obvious.

Byakuya: I give up, it's a lost cause.

Ishida: let's just do reviews

_happy Hanataro Day! BYAKUSHII!! SESSHY! HANATARO! GIN! All of you rock! Kitty-sama pwns! Aizen is gone! Joy to the world, Aizen got thrown down a well!  
p.S: Can I have a fun-sized Toshiro? Pwease? I don't care what you say, I'm taking it anyway!_

_-animemaster62_

Byakuya: about time I got a fan.

Sesshomaru: I'm not even in this show, but I love you too.

Hanataro: it's my day today! And I have a fan! HA!

Gin: pwnage.

Kitty-sama: damn right I pwn!

Aizen: …

Kitty-sama: you're dead, bitch!

Renji: you sure can! We cloned him to sell to fans, but reviewers get one free, all they need to do is ask!

_Toushiro, you are short! But... I can dare you to get taller. Wait... that might be painful... don't care! As long as it doesn't hurt me._

Any way, Renji, you say ur not gay, but make one wrong move and you might ebd up repeating that little scene. I have the power. And so does Kitty-sama.

_-Chibi Captain Hitsugaya_

Toshirou: NO! DON'T DO IT! **Runs screaming from the room**

Renji: huh?

Kitty-sama: yeah, what she said.

Renji: o- okay.

_lol randomness is so fun! oh and happy belated b-day fluffylover119.  
now that aizen is burned and trash-kun is still weird i can officially say...DOG PILE ON TOUSEN!! lol i want to see bya-kun get in a slap fight with ishida-chan. kitty-sama u no longer pwn...u are better than that and it has no words to describe it!  
and in honor of hanatarou day please allow hana-kun to do what ever he wishes. and gin...u seriously kick butt._

_-AngelHeart92_

Tousen: JUSSSSTTIIIIIICCCCCEEEEEEEE!

Gin: He means OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! Justice is the only word he knows.

Byakuya: Ishida! You stole my dress!!

Ishida: I'm not a girl!

Kitty-sama: yes you are!

Byakuya: **slaps ishida**

Ishida: **slaps Byakuya**

Slapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslapslap

Ishida: AAAAAHHH! I broke a nail!

Kitty-sama: and the winner is…BYAKUYA! WOOT! I'm better than pwn!

Hanataro: In honor of Hanataro day, I get to kick every male member of squad 11 in the balls!

Gin: pwnage!

_OMG ICHIGO WHO'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND? IS IT ISHIDA? XD Lulz. I kid. I kid. Or do I? . Hehehe. Hm what to say except for Kitty-sama your story rocks! Renji and Toshie rock! I rock! GOOFY GOOBER! ROCK! Rangiku gets no sake for 500 hours instead she has to drink Vitamin Water. VITAMIN WATER TRY IT! xD Renji you get to sing for me yay! But I pick the song and it's...Low by Flo Rida! APPLE BOTTOM JEANS BOOTS WITH THE FURR THE WHOLE CLUB WAS LOOKIN AT HERR SHE HIT THAT FLOOR NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHAWTY GOT LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW! xD Ichigo you're a strawberry I get it okay, stop saying it at the end of every episode xD TOSHIE CAN I FALSETTO LIKE OH OH BABY! AH AH AH CAN I FALSETTO LIKE OH OH BABY AH AH AH XD Momo go fall down a skyscraper. Kon go with her. I love you Toshie, will you marry me? -gets on one knee and hold open box with diamond ring- ;D ONE LAST SONG FOR YOU PEOPLES! SOULJA BOY OFF IN THIS OHH WATCH ME CRANK IT WATCH ME ROL WATCH ME CRANK THAT SOULJA BOY NOW SUPERMAN THAT WHOAH WATCH ME YOU CRANK DAT SOULJA BOY! xD Bye._

_-AngelicxDemonic_

Ichigo: oh my god ishida is ugly hell no. Rukia.

Kitty-sama: I'm 3 for 3! PWN!

Renji: YAY! I get a fan!

Toshirou: oh big whoop.

Kitty-sama: **smacks Toshirou**

Toshirou: I love and admire you, AngelicxDemonic.

Rangiku: dammit. Hey what's sake?

Renji: apple bottom jeans boots with the fur the whole club was looking at her she hit the floor next thing you know shortie got low low low low low low low low baggy sweat pants and the

Kitty-sama: we get it. Lolz I have that one on my ipod.

Renji: come to think of it, I haven't seen my ipod in a while.

Ichigo: me neither.

Rukia: same here!

Ishida: me too.

Kitty-sama: now, now I'm sure it's a coincidence. Now just SHUT UP ABOUT THE IPODS ALREADY WE GET IT!

Momo/Kon: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! **Splat**

Toshirou: no.

Kitty-sama: **glares**

Toshirou: yes.

_PWNAGE_

_-Thesonicsword_

Kitty-sama: pwnage

Gin: pwnage

_dude it kind of is but not really...-- so not fair no one reviews any of my stuff. IT'S FUNNY!! and "the Dothacker16 show gone bleach" is actually more of a season two type thing season one was "the Dothacker16 show." but yeah i like your story._

_-Dothacker16_

Kitty-sama: coolio. Everybody read this guy's story and review, k?

Renji: apple bottom jea-

Kitty-sama: **hits with 2x4**

Toshirou: off to go get married, byeas!

Kitty-sama: Byakuya,s celebrating his victory, renji's unconscious, Tousen's with gin in Hueco mundo, aizen's dead, Ichigo and Rukia are on a date, ishida's at the nail salon, Rangiku's gone sober crazy, Hanatarou's kicking the 11th squad's balls, and inoue's cooking hospital food oh the irony, so it looks like it's just you and me, Ukitake.

Ukitake: actually, I have to go now.

Kitty-sama: well folks, looks like the show's over, all that's left to do is draw a sharpie mustache on Renji. Next epi is Hollow Field Day in Hueco Mundo! See ya's!


	16. Chapter 16

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I will resume in 2 weeks.

Renji: damn, I was enjoying a break.


	17. BACK IN BLACK!

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: yo yo yo, fans! I'm BACK!

Renji: damn. we'd hoped you'd gone away.

Kitty-sama: **jacks renji's chili dog** well screw that idea.

Ichigo: Uh could you be nice to me this season?

Kitty-sama: **ignoring ichigo** hey did you know how painful bike seats are? they should make big ass memory foam seats. their slogan could be: who doesn't want a seat that molds to your ass?

Renji: oh sweet!

Kitty-sama: anyways, today was the first day of school… freshman, baby!!

Renji: isn't that a bad thing?

Kitty-sama: nah, I'm really hyper because we did nothing today and I drank a liter of pepsi, which tastes like soap!!

Renji: yah, she's a spazz today.

Kitty-sama: my youtube vids are going great, and I would like to thank all of the people who have subscribed to me and added me as a friend, as well as commented on my videos, and keep it up, cuz I love you all!!

Ishida: hey, pineapple, strawberry, what's-

Kitty-sama: HI ISHIDA!! hey, you finally wore a dress!

Ishida: this is not a dress. it's my quincy outfit, and it is very common among male quincies.

Renji: but… I thought you were the only quincy…

Kitty-sama: but… then why are you wearing it?

Ishida: because I'm a male quincy…

Ichigo: kitty-

Kitty-sama: were all the quincies as gay as you? no wonder you're the only one.

Ishida: go to your happy place, go to your happy place

Rukia: let's do reviews!

_Hanatorou ! x3 He's like a fluffy little teddy bear ! Can I put him in a cage and pet him until he dies? D_

Your show rocks Kitty-sama D

Can you make Aizen sleep in a doghouse and put a shock collar on him so whenever he tries to speak he gets zapped? x) Laos make him share the doghouse with an angry rotweiler :D

And yay IchixRuki!! D

_-Jessi-kiwi_

Kitty-sama: pet hanatarou as long as you want, beloved viewer!

Hanatarou: noooooo! I don't wanna die!

Kitty-sama: get over it. my show rocks. Hey aizen, I have a pretty mnecklace for youuuuu…

Aizen: cool!! **puts on shock collar**

Kitty-sama: and this is your new home!

Aizen: **jumps in doghouse** isn't this for dogs?

Kitty-sama: that's the point. now don't come out unless you're called.

Aizen: there's a scary dog in here

Kitty-sama: that too is the point.

_Ohayo Godimastu! Nice mustache, Renji... Byakuya, Gin,Kitty-sama, Hanataro, and I haveta admit, Renji, all of yall pwn! Bye Bye!  
P.S.: I love my fun sived Toshiro! Can I have a Sesshy version? If not, you can have one!_

_-Animemaster62_

Renji: what mustache?

Kitty-sama: nothing…

Byakuya: finally! someone who LOVES me!

Gin: PWN!

Kitty-sama: I pwn! wh- hoo!

Hanatarou: I AM LOVED!!

Renji:…

Kitty-sama: **gives Animemaster62 limited edition funsized sesshomaru**

_I love your story kitty-sama! It's the bomb!_

Toushiro, congrats on getting married. I'm sorry I keep making fun of your size... but seriously, my brothers are taller then you, and they're eight. Your at least 12. GET TALLER ALREADY YOU WIMPY LITTLE SHRIMP! Wow... I'm being mean. LOVE YOU TOUSHIRO!

Renji, I dare you to be gay for a day... with Ichigo! That's for acting stupid.

_-Chibi Captain HItsugaya_

Kitty-sama: hear that? I'm da bomb!

Toshirou: I AM NOT A CHILD!!

Kitty-sama: **hits toshirou with 2x4** yes you ARE!

Renji: **whimper**

Ichigo: hey, that's not fair to me!

Kitty-sama: okay… you have no choice, ichigo. all he has to do is… uh… renji, this is all on you…

Renji: um… **quickly presses lips to ichigo's cheek then runs away and hides in locky room**

Kitty-sama: sorry, Chibi Captain HItsugaya, I think that's all you're gonna get

_lol toshiro watch out for my friend she will glomp u till u die. lol sounds like fun...anyway i am a very calm fan girl unless i have sugar...so kitty-sama keep hana-kun an gin-kun away from me at those times lol like last week my friend dressed up like gin and i tackeled him._

PS. gin he did u no justice u r more hotter then him dresseed as u  
PSS.kitty-sama please push aizen, trash-boy, and tousen off a cliff

_-Angelheart62_

Toshirou:…

Kitty-sama: I wish my friends liked bleach… well okay major does, and so does sm, who moved to kentucky, that dumbass no offense kentucky, and Kaity, but still…

Gin: nobody could do me justice, I barely do myself justice

Toe guy: JUSSSSSSTTTTIIIIICCCCEEEEEEEE… hey why does my name appear as toe guy

Kitty-sama: cuz that's your name…?

Toe guy: no it's not!

Kitty-sama: hey, Uquiorra, Toe guy, Aizen, c'mere! **pushes off cliff**

_I AM VERY UPSET WITH YOU HITSUGAYA-KUN!! I'M NOT EVEN GONNA PUT THE TAICHOU IN UR NAME!! U DON'T DESERVE IT!! HOW DARE U RUN OFF AND MARRY SOME OTHER FAN WHEN U PLEDGED UR LOVE FOR ME!! IM GONNA MURDER MYSELF!! No.. No... Better yet... smirks Im gonna kidnap u and MAKE U RELOVE ME!!  
Love u to Berry-kun!! )  
Also, Gin, I want u to have a random chat with Rangiku-san! It can be about anything, ANYTHING! (anything) Just chat with her!! (ANYTHING!!)_

The soon to be Hitsugaya-san,  
Kuki. 

_(kukino 3)_

Hitsugaya: Hey I'm Mormon, what's it to ya?

Ichigo: I love you too!

Kitty-sama: **hits ichigo with 2x4**

Ichigo: what was that for?

Kitty-sama: just to.

Rangiku: hey gin, did you know my boobs are hUUUUUUge?

Gin: yes, rangiku, we ALL know your boobs are hUUUUUUge.

Rangiku: are your boobs big, gin?

Gin: no, men don't have boobs.

Rangiku: inoue has big boobs.

Gin: I realize that, rangiku.

Rangiku: whelp, bye!

_Thanks AngelHeart92! Anyways, WTH? Ok Byakuya winning a slap fight? Wierd._

I Dare Byakuya, Renji, Ichigo, and Toshirou to do a play of the show Gil Quest done by Crazy Boris Productions.

Byakuya-Tonberry  
Renji-Cactuar  
Ichigo-The Guy At The TV Store/The Judge/Dora  
Toshirou-H.R. Moogle

But can the pain be real please? It would be funny.

Here's the URL:  
/watch?v-wRS2kzG8BQ  
/watch?vZYmgPSPhxQ0&featurerelated  
/watch?vgt94haa3Wuw&featurerelated

They're in parts and if you want to go to the original site go to . He makes really hilarious vids. You can find them all on youtube and his original site except Physics with Cactuar and Tonberry. And if you want to add to their pain, make them do plays on ALL his vids :). Your probably not a Final Fantasy fan but when you watch his videos you won't care :D. You know ur like my #1 authoress?

_-fluffylover119_

Byakuya: how?

Kitty-sama: we shall feaure that play next episode! oh and could you email me that url… I didn't get it completely, or better yet, hyperlink it in the email! and thanks for making you your number one authoress!

_Oh my gosh I'm married xD  
Thanks Renji xD  
COOKIES! xD  
More pwnage to Kitty-sama, Renji, and Toshie If you want pwnage too then you have to be nice to me :P_

New song: All those guys wanna come treat you right cuz you're sweeter then apple piee everything that you want you got girl you know that you need to stop most beautiful thing in sight always taking on the spotlight always in the club lookin hot girl you know that you need to stopp. always talkin bout what you got ehh(4x)

_-AngelicxDemonic_

Kitty-sama: pwnage!!

Renji: I don't know that song…

_Hi Kitty-sama,Sorry for not writing more in my review...Ya know i came up with my own fanfic...The Skydive show!!11! And it would mean a lot to me if you would read and review it plz thnx_

_-Thesonicsword_

Kitty-sama: hey wat's your pen name, cuz I can't seem to find it…

_Well, please hurry!_

_-Chibi Captain HItsugaya_

Kitty-sama: I am… I am…

Rukia: that's it for today, and if you hadn't noticed, we have a new night! Tuesday!

Ichigo: so don't expect anything on Fridays anymore…

Kitty-sama: time to go torture- I mean… be kind to the bleaches!

Ichigo: I'm not a strawberry


	18. Gil Quest Bleach style pt 1

Kitty-sama: The only time I own bleach is when it's Clorox

Kitty-sama: The only time I own bleach is when it's Clorox.

Kitty-sama: Wats up mah loyal fans!!

Renji: is that… ice cream?

Kitty-sama: double fudge brownie! And no.

Renji: damn.

Ichigo: then you must not be wanting those cookies over there?

Kitty-sama: no no double no keep your grimey paws away no don't you dare go near those cookies no don't touch no.

Ichigo: …

Inoue: I baked you some cookies, Ichigo! It's a new recipe! Leek and skittles!

Kitty-sama: there. Eat the leek and skittle cookies.

Renji: I don't understand this math thing. What the hell is math anyways?

Kitty-sama: what part of "do my math homework and don't get below an a" do you not understand?

Renji: well, first, uh… all of it. No, wait, I know what the word and is…

Kitty-sama: well if you don't do my math homework, which, by the way takes me an hour every day, then I can't write bleach in the morning-

Renji: YESSSSS!!

Kitty-sama: **hits Renji with 2x4** like I was saying… I can't write bleach in the morning and still have bleach watching and reading time.

Renji: damn

Kitty-sama: well, I guess I'll just have to do my own math homework…

Renji: but you have stuff in german and comm. arts too…

Kitty-sama: my math and comm. arts aren't due till Thursday. I have time.

Renji: damn…

Kitty-sama: well, it's review time!!

_lol sigh kitty-sama i'm sorry to say i can't think off anny dares from anyone so...any 4 people u pick make them dance all chapter mwahahahahaha lol  
pwnage to renji gin hana-kun & kitty-sama again u excede pwnage._

PS.jacks renji's hotdog

_-AngelHeart92_

Kitty-sama: that's okay! Renji, byakuya, itsugo, and trashy man have to dance!

Ichigo: you made my name sound girly!

Kitty-sama: your name is strawberry. it is girly.

Trashy man: why does my name appear as trashy man? Change it back! I am the fourth espada, you piece of trash!

Kitty-sama: fourth espada my ASS! like I care.

Hanataro: I pwn! yes!

gin: spazz monkeys I want a lollypop

Kitty-sama: no gin, you already had a 12 pack of vault.

Renji: what the hell? get back here with my chili dog!

_I hate you Byakuya Kuchiki... Well that was already known. May I have a Sesshomaru plushie too? BTW can you sneak a dead caterpillar into Byakuya's food? That would be funny!_

_-Fluffylover119_

Byakuya: well in that case, I hate you too fluffylover119.

Kitty-sama: yes, and here is your sesshy plushie! Oh, bya-kun, I made you a burrito!

Byakuya: this is the worst burrito I have ever eaten.

Kitty-sama: that's because instead of ground beef I used caterpillars!

Byakuya: scat-

Kitty-sama: **hits byakuya with a 2x4**

Renji: I think he's dead…

Kitty-sama: he's not dead! he's just sleeping!

_Guess what? I am Angelheart62's friend she was talking about...  
-kills Hitsugaya's wife- Now I get to have you all to myself...hehehehehehehehe  
Ichigo you are indeed a Strawberry.  
P.S Love the story. Aizen, Tosen and Gin...I hate you guys!  
Ulquiorra is my fav Espada.  
Can ya make Ishida sing Barbie girl and Renji can be Ken xD But Byakuya and Ichigo have to act it out_

_-Matsuki Suien_

Kitty-sama: Well helloooooo…..

Hitsugaya: oh. joy.

Kitty-sama: you sarcastic little BASTARD! RUN, boy RUN!

Hitsugaya: **shunpoes away**

Ichigo: fruit is good to eat! yay!

Gin: what does she mean by… hate

Kitty-sama: it's similar to how hanago feels about you.

Gin: **bursts into tears**

Trashy man: well that's- AGAIN WITH THE TRASHY MAN THING!

Ishida: I'mabarbiegirlinthebarbieworldlifeandplasticit'sfantasticyoucanbrushmyhairanddressmeeverywhereimaginationlifeisyourcreation

Renji: c'mon Barbie! let's go party!

Kitty-sama: even when I have gotten them all drunk, I honestly think that's the best you're gonna get…

_Thanks for the fun-sized Sesshy chibi! Gin, Hanataro, Renji, and Byakuya, U GUYS ROCK! U rock too kitty-sama... Hey, Renji, can I have a hot dog? I'm kinda hungry... Yes, that was random... Don't jugde me! See yall later!  
P.S.: Byakushii, I command you to get locked in a room w/ Yachiru for an hour w/ her high on candy!_

_-Animemaster62_

Kitty-sama: we were at the beach… everybody had, matching towels! Someone went under the dock, and there they saw, a ROCK! It wasn't a rock. It was a rock LOBSTER!!

Renji: sure, people already jack my chili dogs, I might as well just give em away for free.

Kitty-sama:** drags byakushii's body to locky room and puts yachiru and a ten pound bag of sugar in and commands yachiru to wake bya when she eats the sugar**

Rukia: hey ya know I'm not drunk! let's do our show!

Byakuya: this channel sucks like a bucket of ticks

Renji: I don't know, I sort of like the gripping plotline

Byakuya: renji… change the channel

Renji: ok fine. ok this is really freaking me out… the channels aren't changing. what if the tv is possessed and if we watch it to the end the phone will ring and the voice will come on and say YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN DAYS!!

Byakuya: or what if you're just using the wrong remote?

Renji: oh, well, yeah that's true **holds up tyco rc controller**

TV: there's a new mary kate and Ashley movie out… mary kate and Ashley go shopping!

Renji: olsen twins? KILL!! **pushes tv out window **we are now rid of the evil mary kate and ashley

Byakuya: that's the seventh time this week you've broken the TV

Renji: well I know but it's-

Byakuya: **pushes renji out window**

Renji: **sings annoying tv store song**

Byakuya: renji, shut up!

Renji: oh, uh, ok, so anyways, why don't you have a chocobo license?

Byakuya: uh… I never passed the test

Renji: ooh! ooh! a flashback!

SHOWS BYAKUYA FAILING TEST

Byakuya: you wouldn't imagine how many hours I spent in therapy trying to recover from that one. Excuse me. Uh, Excuse me, I'd like to buy a TV. Excuse me can you hear me hello?

TV: we'll be back to extreme underwater basketweaving right after these commercials… there's a new mary kate and Ashley movie out… mary kate and Ashley go shopping!

Renji: olsen twins? KILL! **goes on long rampage smashing every tv in the store** we are now rid of the evil mary kate and Ashley

Byakuya: hey renji, give me a big smile

Renji: why?

Ichigo: okay, court is now in session

Byakuya: your honor, I didn't break any tv's so why am I here

Ichigo: ah but you did download illegal music off of kazaa…

FLASHBACK

Computer: if your happy and you know it clap your hands

Byakuya: **claps hands**

Computer: if your happy and you know it clap your hands

Byakuya: **claps hands**

Computer: if you're happy and you know it then your face will surely show it if your happy and you know i-

Renji: hey byakuya, what're you listening to?

Byakuya: uh, heh, nothing……… go away

Renji: all right, whatever

END FLASHBACK

Renji: you worry too much, byakuya. I booked the best lawyer in the Soul Society.

Byakuya: oh really? where is he?

Renji: oh here he comes now

Matsumoto: hey guys!

Byakuya: oh joy, oh rapture, you got us the local drunk for a lawyer

Renji: oh yean, I know, isn't it great! Yeah, there's no way we're gonna lose this lawsuit

TEN MINUTES LATER

Renji: I can't believe we lost this lawsuit. Look at the bright side

Byakuya: what bright side? we're going to jail!

Renji: well, I mean, they gave us until Friday to pay the fee

Byakuya: oh really? what's the fee?

Renji: oh, you know, a tiny 2 billion yen

Kitty-sama: what will happen to Byakuya and Renji? will they raise 2 billion yen, or go to jail?

Rukia: find out next Tuesday on Bleach in the Morning!!

Kitty-sama: well, that's all folks! By the way, we're having a new section of the show, inspired by Mr. Nardini, the most awesomeful science teacher evah! BURICHIDOME!! 2 characters, as designated by the readers, will face off to see who will receive the title of… well there is no title but it will be entertaining.

Ichigo: see ya fans!!

Kitty-sama: don't forget to send in reviews to see who fights next week!


	19. Chapter 19

kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: yo! I've missed you, my beloved fans… due to Monday night football we have been delayed until today… just kidding I just had too much shit to do and not enough time. it's not that you're not my first priority, it's just that… nevermind.

Renji: hey, can I eat during the show? how about can I kill you? do you kill people? I kill people. I see dead people.

Ichigo: really? me too!

Rukia: dumbasses! in case you forgot, you are dead people.

Ishida: kitty sama should die!

Sado: …

Rukia: why hasn't she beheaded you? Kitty-sama? are you okay?

Ichigo: who cares?

Rangiku: my left nipple.

Toshirou: MATSUMOTO! DAMMIT GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!

Kitty-sama: **pulls ipod on 100 percent volume out of ears **WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?** hits toshirou with sheathed kazeneko repeatedly**

Toshirou: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Kitty-sama: good riddance!

Renji: we're already a page into the show…

Kitty-sama: oh. I forgot it even started. sorry guys, but you'll have to wait for part 2, this is gonna be a short episode. shorter than toshirou, or even myself…

_lol. i wish i didnt noe the ending. but its funny! many people may not get it tho... they should search it on youtube._

i dare ichigo to make out with byakuya XD! then blow them up for no reason.

btw 4 the fight can it be ishida vs. inoue? or ichigo vs. rukia? or byakuya vs. cheese? im betting on cheese :D.

_-fluffylover119_

Kitty-sama: I myself am an ichiruki fan… but the other kuchiki would do I guess…

Rukia: could I not have to witness this? just a little creepy…

Kitty-sama: fine to the locky room. ten minutes. and I'll be watching.

Byakuya: yeah, yeah you're always watching.

Kitty-sama: we will start the burichidome next week, and I want your feedback, plz!! all ideas I get will be used in an episode, no exceptions!

_Kitty-sama ROX MY SOX !! Kitty-sama gets a zampacto.Gin marry me! gives gin a lollipop and kitty-sama a box of pockyMake everyone read the Espada's Guide to Parenting and read The Greatness of Owned Men too! And...destroy Momo too.glomps Ukitake U pwn!  
Signed,  
Gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: but… kazeneko already is kitty-sama's zampakuto.

Gin: okay! but only if I get more lollipops!!

Kitty-sama: POCKY!! **throws bonb into locky room and explodes ichigo/byakuya**

Rukia: they're good stories!

Ukitake: why thank _cough cough_ you!

_lolz thanks for posting my comment  
Hey can I have a fun-sized Hitsugaya?  
Sorry about that last one. I was excited and a huge Hitsugaya fangirl.  
Can you jack Byakuya's Zanpaktou and give it to Yachiru to play with?when shes had alot of sugar?  
Thanks again! ._

_-Matsuki Suien_

Kitty-sama: I always post comments! no matter what! plus, we love fangirls as long as they read the story!

Yachiru: I have byakushii's zampakuto! whoops! I think it's broken!

_Thank you oh mighty kitty-sama bows jacks renjis hotdog GIN!! pounces on gin pur kitty-sama you are extremely epic as is this story looks at gin and your epic-ly hott heart eyes sigh_

_-Angelheart92_

Kitty-sama: you're welcome!

Renji: what the hell?

Gin: I'm married cuz they give me lollypops!

Kitty-sama: so?

Gin: good point!

Kitty-sama: well, see ya!!


	20. cheese!

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately

Kitty-sama: it would appear that I owe you all a chapter… so sorry for my incredibly long absence, but I was on a quest, and I had to kill a hell of a lot of people before I could get back home.

Renji: no, what were you really doing.

Kitty-sama: ohkay, fine, I was getting ready for homecoming, writing my ld speech, trying to figure what the hell is wrong with sam, and killing my best friend

Rukia: why would you kill your best friend? now you don't have a best friend anymore and you have to find a new one.

Kitty-sama: so maybe I didn't kill him… I did beat the shit outta him tho!

Ichigo: I hate to ask something, lest I get the same treatment as your poor friend there, but why?

Kitty-sama: cuz his girlfriend's a controlling bitch and he's letting her walk all over him!

matsumoto: wow! does that work? in all of my years dealing with gin, I've never found something to make him like me more than his girlfriend aizen.

Kitty-sama: well, first no it doesn't, much as I'd like it to, and second, you seem surprisingly sober, matsumoto.

Matsumoto: boobs are big enough to poke with forks **passes out drunk**

Everyone else:…

Byakuya: well could you go back to writing your so called ld case?

Kitty-sama: while it may be my favorite class, no, I like being here more. plus, I'm done with this ld case.

Rukia: really? what's the resolution?

Ichigo: rukia, I have no idea what she's talking about, and you're dumber than me so how do you know?

Rukia: my value is you are not smarter than me, you're an idiot, and my value criterion is you're male and I'm female.

Kity-sama: resolved it is morally permissible to kill one innocent person to save the lives of other innocent people.

Rukia: wow that's a toughie.

Kitty-sama: not really, but if ya wanna say something about it, go for it.

Ishida: let's do reviews

Kitty-sama: fine here we go! but before we get started, I want to say that we have passed our goal of 75 reviews by chapter 20! we have 76, and it's only chapter 19 (this is chapter 20, by the time chapter 20 is posted)

_Hi Kitty-sama,  
u pwn more than anyone (cept Ukitake-sama).and i bring gifts: to Kitty-sama 5 million yen, to byakuya flamin hot cheetoes, to renji (who is in gay denial,I swear) a math book so he can do Kitty-sama's homework,ishida gets a frilly pink dress, rukia gets a new chappy doll, gin gets a lifetime supply of lollipops, yachiru gets 50 tons of candy, nanao gets a restraining order against her taicho,shunsei gets a bottle of sake and so does matsumoto, the strawberry gets a trip to the locky closet, and ukitake gets a cure for his disease.glomps everyone and draws her zanpacto and brutally murders momo beacause momo is a btch_

_-ukitakesfangirl657_

Kitty-sama: yo! I know I pwn! yah!! sugarhigh! spazzmuffins!

Ukitake-taichou: miss kitty-sama, please calm down

Kitty-sama: I'm sorry, ukitake-taichou

Byakushii: why don't you call me kuchiki taichou

Kitty-sama: well, byakushii, I respect ukitake-taichou.

Byakushii: I hate you.

Kitty-sama: good. oh yey! five million yen!

byakuya: whoo!! spicy!!

Renji: oh, gee, thanks.

Kitty-sama: youre welcome!

Rukia: chappppppyyyyyy!

Gin: I will marry you!

Yachiru: candy!!

nanao: thank GOD!! I mean shinigami.

shunsuei: sakendosndoa

Matsumoto: can I has the life bottle for please now drink

Ukitake: thank you!!

Kitty-sama: I'm sensing a little bit of hate towards momo here…..

_Your story get's better and better. Hey, can I "borrow" Gin so I can turt- oh, I mean, give him a life supply of lolypops! -shifts eyes- Pwetty pwease. -begs-_

Oh, and b4 I forget, can you get people to read my story... It needs more reviewers... MAYBE I'LL LET YOU BORROW MY GAY ICHIGO SO YOU CAN KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO HIS WEE LITTLE BRAIN! -I'll still break the two up... I am a IchiRuki fan...-

_-Chibi Captain Hitsugaya_

Kitty-sama: gin is all yours!!

Gin: more lollypops!!

Kitty-sama: I think that bleach itself is kind of an ichiruki thing, and I hate ichihime, because that defeats the purpose

_gin i will give u an unlimited supply of any candy u want if u divroce her and marry me...i love random stuff. yo everyone do something random!...sighs..gin.hearts_

_-Angelheart92_

gin: can it be… lollypops?!

Kitty-sama: how bout we settle for multiple marriages and just get a one pound sack of candy here gin?

Gin: fine.

_OMG i'm married!  
THANKS KITTY-SAMA U PWN!squeals and gives gin more lollipops and kitty-sama more pockylove ya gin!glomps  
signed  
gubgub434_

Gin: LOLLYPOPS!!

Kitty-sama: POCKY!! thanks I was craving that today!

_Its thesonicsword all in one word._

_-thesonicsword_

Kitty-sama: thanks!

_HELLO! Renji, you're so awesome (gives boatload of chilidogs)! Oh, can I see Byakuya fight with a rabid moose? Jes, I know that was random... Well, Toshi, could you fight with a hamster? Hehehehe... I find weird things funny... Oh, and Ren-kun, I could I have a plushie of you? 'Cause you rock! See ya in de oop de ya.  
P.S.: Kitty-sama pwns!_

_-inu-sesshyfan62_

Renji: HA! steal all these chili dogs, you BITCH

Kitty-sama: damn right I am

Byakuya: no.

Kitty-sama: we'll use that if byakuya survives his burichidome battle with cheese

Renji: kitty-sama's typically the one people ask for stuff from…

Kitty-sama: **gives inu-sesshyfan62 renji plushie** pwnage

_kitty-sama your epic. HITSUGAYA! glomps i vote cheese. gin i hate you.jacks renji's chili-dog i dare ichigo, matsumoto and renji to go streaking through soul society and has to go past all the captons (sorry if this may disterb you in any way.)  
thank you again_

_-Matsuki Suien_

Kitty-sama: cheese has been chosen!!

Gin: what is this word hate?

Renji: HA HA! I have 999,999 more!!

Kitty-sama: well… off with the clothes

Yamamoto:…

SoiFon: suzumebashi.

Ichigo Matsumoto and renji: oh shit **runs like hell**

Unohana: I have some clothes if you guys want any.

Byakuya: ichigo, renji, wouldn't you slow down a bit?

Ichigo: fuck no!

Komamura: **howls**

Shunsuei: lookin' good, matsumoto **whistles**

nanao: **hits shunsuei with book**

Toshirou: MATSUMOTO!!

Kenny: I take your nudity as a challenge! I will fight you to the death!

Mayuri: I shall experiment to see why you are doing this

Ukitake: um… are you aware that you are not wearing clothing?

Ichigo: all right kitty sama, now where are our clothes

Kitty-sama: see that pile of ash on the floor?

Renji: they're under the ashes? **dives on pile of ash**

Kitty-sama: no… but close. they are the ashes. I lit them on f ire

Ichigo: Miss Unohana? I'll be using those clothes now.

Unohana: **gives everyone clothes**

_angelheart92, we caused the problum i think kittysama may not know how to make both of us happy so tell u what i'll let you be gin's mistress if u drop the divorce idea and maybe just maybe kitty-sama will update soon._

_-gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: yeah… about the updating thing…

_i give upwaves white flag angelheart 92 wins she may have gin on one condition. i want child support. yeah that's right you heard me i want child support for gin's daughter Yuki!_

_-gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: dun dun dunnnnnnnnn

gin: okay.

Kitty-sama: it has to be in euros

gin: fine here's twenty million euros

kitty-sama: that's a lot of money, gin. I chose euros because the dollar is losing value by the day!

_i wish i didn't have to do this draws zanpacto Soar Pamolita(little dove) stabs both gubgub434 and angelheart92 killing them kitty-sama i'm sorry that those insensitive idiots didn't bother to read your profile that's probubly why they said what they said. they are dead so no need to respond to their reviews now. gives kitty sama 100,0,0 boxes of pocky and when is the quincy going shopping gives kitty-sama a lot of money heheheh_

_-ukitakesfangirl_

Kitty-sama: while I approve of your killing for my sake, as deontology states the means do not justify the ends. I love my debate. that's sarcasm. ah well I may as well get on with this tobu no ue ni amagumo kazeneko. I call the dead to rise again, I will them to be all but alone. thousand spirits hear the lone bird's cry. men fall from above. heal all, last shield.

Renji: …

Kitty-sama: I REVIVED them, dumb ass. something like taking the broken spirit energy and putting in my own. I don't wanna explain it.

Ishida: shopping? WHEN!!

Kitty-sama: for your dress, baka. so you can go to prom. or I forgot why, ah well. domo arigato for the pocky and money!! and now we move on with the burichidome!!

_**BYAKUYA VS. CHEESE**_

cheese: **explodes all over byakuya**

byakuya: **licks cheese sauce off hand** mmmmm… cheese sauce. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! THIRD DEGREE BURNS!!

Rukia: and the winner is… cheese!!

kitty-sama: well, that's all I have for ya, folks!! review review review!!


	21. EPIC FAIL!

hnikswKitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: Yo fans! I have some news for you all! We will be switching our nights, as much as I regret it, to Thursday!

Rukia: but that'll interfere with watching bleach!

Kitty-sama: WRONG!!! They switched nights to Wednesday!!! But I still won't be able to watch.

Renji: uh… are you in school now?

Kitty-sama: yeah, what's it to ya?

Renji: well, if you're in this so called "math" class, i'm gonna tell on you for making me do your homework

Kitty-sama: I don't trust you to do my math! I need an A in math! Allow me to explain… if I get all a's, then I get a summer job, then I get a laptop, and you fans get more Bleach in the Morning!!!!!!! As in, like every day or something.

Renji: in that case, I'll do all your homework!!!

Kitty-sama: **hits renji with 2x4** shut up…

Random fangirl: like, OMG!!!! It's ichigo!!!!!!!!

Kitty-sama: this episode sucks, doesn't it? It's cuz school ruins creativity… but I'm in science… with the infamous Mr. NARDINI!!!!!!! You should love him.

Rukia: infamous…? Love…? Mr…?

Kitty-sama: shut up rukia. I'm in german now and we have a sub but that has nothing to do with anything.

Byakuya: mmh mmpf hrrm?

Kitty-sama: when will you recover from those burns? You're a fucking shinigami for crying out loud!!! I heal faster than you do and technically I'm a human!

Byakuya: fine I was trying to get you to feel sorry for me, but that didn't work so well.

Kitty-sama: don't know what made you think I'd feel sorry for ya…

Ishida: hey! What's up… damn she's here

Kitty-sama: you're mom's here. Oooohhhh!

Renji: what's wrong with you?

Kitty-sama: everything. Can't you hear what's going on in here? I'm obviously not in the studio, as there's a dumbass sitting behind me doing I'm not entirely sure what while singing umbrella.

Renji: oh. What?

Kitty-sama: never mind let's just do reviews.

_AWESOME! Rukia!! YOU ** WOMAN OBSESSED W/ A NON-EXISTANT RA BI D RABBIT!! MEOW! MOO! Hmm. Since Bya-kun is dead, Hitsu is married and or heavily guarded, Ishi is a girl, Aizen is dead, and Gin is married... OHH! Hollow Ichigo is left untouched (I wonder why) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *calms down* Ahem. Since I said so, have a flamethrower, and can kill you... (to hichigo) would you mind brain-washing Ichigo into where he loves ME and MARRIES ME! Shut up ** Rukia! Can you lock Rukia and her gay brother into the locky room as pinatas with hitsugaya in BanKai, Hinamori in Shikai, and Yachiru with Senbonzakura Kageoyshi (knowing exactly how to use it) on... 3-tons of candy? Oh, and you rock!  
-Sakuraflower101_

Rukia: chappy-kun is NOT rabid. You suck.

Kitty-sama: what did I say about the viewers…?

Rukia: sowwy

Byakuya: I'm not dead!! I just have third degree cheese burns

Ishida: I am NOT a girl.

Kitty-sama: bwa ha ha ha ha!!! **Turns flame thrower on**

Hichigo: …..

Kitty-sama: well, that's kinda hichigo's job so I gotta revive him… _**(REVIVES HICHIGO)**_

_Hichigo: ichigo! have you ever heard of sakuraflower101?_

Ichigo: nope!

_Hichigo: YES YOU HAVE!_

Ichigo: wait… lemme think… nope. still nothing.

_Hichigo: I SAID yes you HAVE! anyways, you are completely and entirely head over heels in love with her and you're going to go marry her now. _

Ichigo: really? cool!!!

Kitty-sama: **ties rukia, byakuya on strings and hangs them in locky room with hitsugaya hinamori and yachiru** sorry guys. or at least rukia anyways.

_omfg that was great! Hitsugaya, If you marry me I will get you stils so you can be taller than everyone else.  
-sigh- if only I could turn back time I wouldnt have taking physics..._

Whatever happened to the random dance button? -pushes it-

Everyone Pwns except for Gin Aizen Tosen...  
-Matsuki Suien

Hitsugaya: but I don't want to be taller than everyone else. they'd just call me a freak for being so tall.

Kitty-sama: I'm a science nerd… but phi sci is easy… you're lucky you don't have to take advanced chem. next year… or maybe you do. either way, **points and laffs** sorry I'm starving and going insane

_**RANDOM DANCE**_

Kity-sama: nn tss nn tss nn tss nn tss

Brian's gay cousin whose name escapes me: hey guysss what's up!

Everyone: what the hell are you doing here? how did you get here

Stewie: what the deuce? it appears we have been teleported into another world where people are strange and cats speak.

Kitty-sama: out. NOW!!!! **opens up portal with kazeneko**

_gubgub434 u may hav child support, i'll grant u that *but i really like the idea of being a mistress.  
so anyway, yey cheeze. nowz for allz u peopls u might not underztand my language is 'cuz it is lolcat speech and any1z who wantz to tri it go to /  
itz fun speaching lolcat 'cuz no1 elze underztands  
now the pwn-ness award goes to...KITTY-TAICHO-SAMA!  
*claps & screams*  
and award for most hott-ness goes to... GIN!!  
*wo*  
-AngelHeart92_

Kitty-sama: normally I would be stumped by your lolcatz but since my amazing best friend in the whole entire world speaks it I kinda am fluent…

Renji:huh? what'd she say?

Gin: omfg I'M SEXY!!!!!!!!

_hi love your show. *chaes everyone but kitty-sama and whacks them upside the head* that's for the scary yaoi lemons you all were in. go trashy man  
-pockykid_

Kitty-sama: I wasn't in any lemons… and I don't enjoy writing them either…

Ulquiorra: trashy mctrashers

Grimmjow: he says thanks.

_WOO-HOO! Awesome chap. as usual! Oh, thnx 4 letting me borrow Gin, I'm done with him now! Muahahahahahahahahaha!_

Oh, I dare Ichigo, Rukia, Toushiro, and Momo to attend sex-ed! IF I HAVE TO GO THRO IT, SO DO THEY!  
-Chibi Captain Hitsugaya

Kitty-sama: hey no problem!

Rukia: what is this… sex ed thing you speak about?

Kitty-sama: you'll see…

Urahara: hello class, I'm your teacher, Kiskue-sensei

Yoruichi: **walks in room naked** and I'm his lovely assistant

Ichigo: put some clothes on!!!

Kitty-sama: yey! nekked party!!

Renji: you leave your clothes on.

Kitty-sama: well, I don't wanna really be around to watch this… so… bye bye!!

_thanks! where did the random dance button go ? i dare matsumoto to get everyone drunk and force them to do KARAOKE!(pleaze make rukia and ichigo sing Like a Virgin) good luck in getting the quincyto wear a dress.  
-gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: I found the random dance button

Matsumoto: I gots boozes. DRINK THE BOOZES NOW!!!!

Kitty-sama: you heard the woman!

Rukia: like a virgin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's the only words I know.

Ichigo: my turn! LIKE A VIRRRRRRGIINNNNNNNNNNNNN! I CAN SING LOUDER THAN YOU, RUKIA!

rukia: oh yeah? LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Kitty-sama: okay that's enough fun-time karaoke for today

ishida: **walks out in pink dress** I'm not drunk, I just have a speech impediment!

_omg. i forgot to review! i must go punish myself... But first! Byakuya lost to cheese! Byakuya lost to cheese!_

BTW Should I change my fanfiction screenname? Should I? i mean i only chose this one in the spur of the moment and now i think its lameishy. yours is awesome! and mines suckish... *tear drops*

also, i just bought for my wii Bleach the Shattered Blade, and i kicked byakuya's arse! with Hanataro! XD. then with Rukia! then Ichii, then Renji, then Kenpachi, then Yoruichi, then Soi Fon, then Orihime, then Ishida... It was fun! Then, just for more enjoyment i played as byakuya and ran into everyones attack's making him die. i laughed everytime :D. then my brother walked in (aka the most awesome guy in the world who introduced me to Bleach) and started laughing too!

one last Q. which version of Bleach do you watch: Dub or Sub? I watch Sub which means im up to ep 189 and i read the manga translated online which means im up to manga chapter 339 :).  
-fluffylover119

Byakuya: I did NOT lose to cheese. the cheese just won to me.

Kitty-sama: you did change your name…

Hanatarou: HA HA I kicked byakuya's ass!!

Byakuya: and you shall only continue to do so in mere games.

Hanatarou: oh.

Kitty-sama: SUB ALL THE WAY, BABY!!! and manga too!

_hi! I'm sorry for commiting I have a dare for the strawberry he has to go shopping with the quincy and they both have to buy frilly dresses. can i have a ukitake chibi please? Kitty-sama pwns and rox my sox!!  
-Ukitakesfangirl657_

Kitty-sama: that's kay! murder is fun! erm… I mean…I didn't do it! I only pushed him offa a cliff! it only counts if you bury the body too! and conner buried the body, so go see him, I mean… Queso pasa?

Ukitake: I have already given one to my dear friend kitty-sama to send to you

ichigo:… why me?

ishida: why you? why ME?

_bad news people all fangirls have been drafted for the winter war and must report to soul socity or hueco mundo. we are being given the choice of joining either aizen's army or the gotei thirteen. stay trashy!(sorry been watching WAY too much hueco mundo cup lately)  
-ukitakesfangirl657_

Kitty-sama: I already am up to my neck in soul society shit, captain gramps won't leave me alone

Captain Gramps: stupid ca- why does my name appear as "captain gramps?"

Kitty-sama: cuz I said so

Captain Gramps: oh, well _that's_ a good reason. CHANGE IT NOW!

Kitty-sama: next review!!

_Byakuya vs. Monster hotdog  
Please! :D  
-thesonicsword_

Kitty-sama: fine! next week

_Great News I now offically have a fanfiction account as gubgub434.  
-gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: YEY!!! anyways, I owe my fans an apology for not posting for so long… I promise to post every Thursday from now on out! I'm so sorry!! please don't shun me!

Kitty-sama: soc, sob, sob

Renji: what's up with you?

kitty-sama: nobody's reviewing!!

Renji: that's cuz you didn't post it yet

kitty-sama: I sure did. I posted it like three months ago

renji: no… you didn't

kitty-sama: and here I thought no one cared. I love you, fans! I'm sorry!!1


	22. Chapter 22

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: I have noticed that my episodes are getting a little dreary… so I guess I will make them the full size they're supposed to be.

Rukia: here's a rundown of today's show for ya…

Renji: first, we have the introduction, then reviews, then our main special, then burichidome, then the conclusion. if you have any suggestions as to a section you want to see, just let us know.

Kitty-sama: owowow. frikking ow.

Renji: what?

kitty-sama: i. hate. weight training.

Rukia: what is this weight training thing?

Byakuya: how atrocious, this "weight, training." sounds like it would ruin my hair.

Kitty-sama: could you plz just listen to me???

Ichigo: no.

Kitty-sama: morons. weight training is like p. e. only worse cuz all you do is lift weights and work out in the gym. and not treadmills gym. like the cruel torture device that is the bench press, shoulder press, and squat machine. oh and pull ups. those suck.

ichigo: you know we should be out fighting hollows right now, but instead we're listening to you bitching. people are dying at your hands. you are a murderer.

kitty-sama: pssht. I am cold-blooded. I don't give a damn about humanity. seriously. try me. plus, this way's easier cos then I don't have to hide the bodies.

ishida: … how cruel…

kitty-sama: waa waa waa, your problems. back to me. I could take running. or leg muscle things. just not upper body strength. I could, at one point, lift my hand higher than my shoulder. no longer am I able to accomplish this feat. it hurts like a mofo.

Renji: you haven't written for quite a while now… like three months. three months of utter bliss.

kitty-sama: you keep talking, but all I hear is bla bla bla. now back to me. Frikken paul decided to change our duo after I spent like 8 hours cutting this script. But that's okay cos I hate the script we were using anyways. it was "romeo and Juliet, together (and alive!) at last". now it's "sideways stories from wayside school."

Renji: mff mm mmmmph phrr mmrr mmphhhr

Kitty-sama: oh yeah….. **jacks renji's chili dog** OMG!!!! we have coke at our school and not just pepsi!!! I had a frikken panic attack!!! paul says pepsi's better tho. so we're in an endless war! I need the opinion of my fans!! coke or pepsi!!!

Renji: don't you care what what I said?

kitty-sama: no. I'm so psyched about being back and have missed you all dearly, fans!! I looooovvvveee you!! in a non-creepy authoress/readers way, of course.

Byakuya: grrreeaat. now you've got her on another one of her self-loving rants.

Ishida: only one word can save us now! REVIEWS!!!!!!

_Ichigo, I don't think I hate you anymore... O.o I think its bcuz we got the  
same bday XD Renji... well idk about u. Ur just Renji... o.o_

but Baka-kun i rly hate you still XD. or do i?... wait, yes i do.

omg Rukia, ur bday is the same day the full version of Velonica comes out =D.  
s if i ever said i hate u then... U HEARD NOTHING! XD

BTW if u wondered y i dont hate alot of ppl anymore its bcuz of the New  
Years Resolution thingy.

i feel boredish now... wait a sec, ima steal Baka-kun's zampakutou and blame  
him wen i kill my teacher's XD. SKOOL SUX! and i cant wait to see monster hot  
dog. Bleach Beat Collection RULEZ! KITTY-TAICHOU-SAMA IS AWESOME! I WANT THE  
RUKIA HAIRDO! wait a sec this isnt MS... U HEARD NOTHING!

_-Sakura12341_

Ichigo: I didn't know you hated me in the first place…..

renji: oh, gee, thanks

Rukia: I LOVE YOU. erm… I mean… nothing. that's right, nothing.

Baka-kun: HEY! that's not nice! WHY THE HELL DOES NY NAME APPEAR AS BAKA-KUN! DAMMIT KITTY-SAMA!!!

Kitty-sama: hmmph. No, it is my fans that are awesome!! cos without them, I would spin into a downward depressed spiral for three months fore I finally figure out that I didn't actually post my story.

_mi on aizens team! *grins* 'cuz gin is there. anywayz uz needz to teach  
evry1z lolcat. itz be funny. nowz with thatz saidz mi givz gin  
RANDOMZ DANCZ BUTTONZ!1!1!1! lol mi agreez wit thesonicsword BYA-KUN VS.  
MONSTER HOTDOG!1!1!1! gin yes ur smexxy. kitty-sama u made mi cry...u took too  
long...but i'm happy ur posting again._

_-Angelheart92_

Gin: why thank you. I am flattered.

Kitty-sama: you all made me cry cos I thought you all hated me. but now I feel better.

_That was EPIC! I'm sorry Hitsugaya! Don't leave. I was just trying to make  
you feel ed xD  
I dare the strawberry and ishida to pose in a swim suit photo, together,  
touching!! LMAO  
-pushes random sing button- Can I have a chibi Hitsugaya doll? -puppy dog  
eyes- Pwease?_

Thank you! Have a wonderful day!

_-MatsukiSuien_

Hitsugaya: like I have a choice. kitty-sama duct taped me to a chair.

kitty-sama: due to the graphic content of this photo and the fact that my artistic liberties and the fact that I have friends in high places. okay, only one friend. and he's on the varsity swim team. the two of these are in speedos. ew. bad picture in my mind. anyways, viewer discretion is advised.

ichigo: kittysamaifyouwantyourlifegetoverhereyoustupidbitchimeanitiwillkillyou.

camera: **crash!!!! fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff**.

kitty-sama: now that I got out the back-up camera… oh and sure you can!! here's your toshi-kun! catch!!!!

_Kitty-sama!*glomps*Your story never fails to make me laugh.*gives pocky*One  
request today, Ichigo, Shunsui, and Matsumoto have to do a fake baby  
project,meaning they have to watch over a doll that cries every two hours  
without destroying it and insert a key in the dolls project lasts 2  
days.(If I have to do a fake baby project so do they!)Love ya Gin*kisses*_

_-gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: I'm glad I make people laugh. I thought I was getting kind of dull

Ichigo: I will name him… Shunsichimatsurenjirukinouegetsu!

Shunsuei: **throws baby out window**

Matsumoto: **stuffs baby in boobs** I'll just put this you here for in safe keepers, losers weepers. some person in soul society might could take you in exchange for some sake.

Kitty-sama: this is going to be a long project.

Gin: pwn!!

Renji: …?

_You Rock Kitty Taichou Sama can I borrow the smartest person in bleach you  
can think of to do my homework :D if you can that would be so awesome once  
again you rock also what your favorite bleach coupl mine is hitrsugaya and  
rukia,renji and tatsuki, grimmijow and tatsuki i dont know why but i think  
there awesome what do you think about them?  
-NoName4863_

Kitty-sama: thank you!! you can have ishida. she always placed top of her class. obviously didn't spend much time on her looks, though.

Ishida: rrrrrrr…

Kitty-sama: hey, guess what, I'll tie him to a light post and leave him there. I'm sure you'll get him cos I put a tracking device in the center of his brain.

Ishida: did not

Kitty-sama: that you know of. I'm a med person, remember? anyways, not to contradict you but, I hate: renji rukia, renji tatsuki, inoue ichigo. I love: ichiruki and byaren. That's right, I find the concept of byakuya x renji absolutely hilarious, but for the same reason love it!!

Renji: whaaaaat?

Byakuya: I like that one to- waaaiit. you heard nothing.

Kitty-sama: byakuya, nobody minds your gay-ness, but could you please stop hitting on the straight people?? please?? I mean still…

Renji: and now for the special portion of the show!!! today's special is… throw shit at Reennnnjjjiiiiii!!! Wait, what?

Everyone: **pelts renji with anything and everything in the room available, and for matsumoto that happened to be her underwear. needless to say, they did not do much damage. **

Kitty-sama: sorry for the short and suckish-ness of this special, but I have a tourney to run tomorrow, and a lot of shit to take care of. Next week's special is… how to own someone in the face, step by step edition by hisagi!!

Hisagi: be there! or be owned in the face!!!

Unohana: one should not advertise his favorite position on his face.

Yachiru: …

Kon: and now for… BURICHIDOME!!! today's edition, Byakuya vs. monster HOTDOG!!!

Byakushii: why!!! why do I always face off with foods???? WHYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyy?

Kitty-sama: cos that's what everyone wants to see.

Monster hotdog: **smashes byakuya**

Kitty-sama: dammit! now I have to waste my energy on you.

Rukia: well that's all for today folks. see yall next week.


	23. Chapter 23

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach (or coca cola or sonic), unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: blehlehlehleh.

Renji: okay what the h, guys.

Kitty-sama: oh god you saw that episode of Christine. I love that show. Ugh.

Renji: what is wrong with you?

Kitty-sama: I'm sick. I wanna go lie on the couch and watch house.

Hisagi: that's what she said.

Renji: oh. I watch the house all of the time. Mostly since I came home one day and it was gone and the next morning I woke up face down asleep on Byakuya's roof.

Rukia: oh. That was you? I had a panic attack that night cos I shot the cat that was meowing right outside my window, and I knew that I hit it cos it said "ow, fuck that hurt." I thought cats could talk, that's all. Cats aren't supposed to talk.

Kitty-sama: cough cough we're totally making fun of Yoruichi right here cough.

Ichigo: Yoruichi has a funny face. Ha ha ha.

Kitty-sama: okay that was a little too… I don't know… obvious and lacking clever sting… which is really hard to insert into a story when you're sick (clever sting that is). Plus, I'm a talking cat, and you don't think that's unusual, Rukia.

Rukia: that's cos the witch from snow white and the seven dwarfs put a spell on you-

Kitty-sama: was that a snap on my height?

Rukia: and you turned into a cat forever and ever since you pricked your finger on the spindle.

Kitty-sama: was that a snap on my inability to sew? You know what? Never mind. I'm too sick to even care.

Renji: then stop filming.

Kitty-sama: no. That's how dedicated I am to my fans. I hope you guys love me.

Rukia: and now for a quick commercial break

Renji: today's episode of bleach in the morning is sponsored by: coca cola.

Kitty-sama: cccccccccoooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Feed me caffeine now!!

Renji: sorry. We're a Pepsi company.

Kitty-sama: not okay. Tobu no ue Ni amagumo…

Byakuya: no need to get violent here… don't mind the fact that I'm entirely clad in Pepsi gear… please don't hurt me!

Kitty-sama: now where's the fun in that?

Rukia: reviews! I love Ichigo!

Ichigo: whaat??

Rukia: huh? nothing.

Ichigo: oh. Okay.

_ISHIDA DO MY FRICKIN HOMEWORK NOW! YOU BASTARD SORRY I JUST HAVE A PROBLEM I SWEAR TOO LUCK I HAVE AN ESSAY THAT IS 20 PAGES 5 PAGES FOR SCIENCE 20 PAGES FOR HISTORY AND UNLIMITED PAGES FOR MATH MWHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA LOL YOU ROCK KITTY-TAICHOU-SAMA I THINK GIN IS SMEXY AND I THINK HITSUGAYA WOULD LOOK CUTE IF HE USED PUPPY DOG EYES *WONDER HOW CUTE HITSUGAYA WOULD LOOK WITH PUPPY DOG EYES SAYING PWEASE*  
-SQUEALS-YOU ARE AWESOME  
-NONAME44863_

Ishida: what kind of cruel horror is this?

Renji: the kind that happens to all the good people.

Kitty-sama: (coughs)

Gin: what? Are you okay, kitty-sama?

Kitty-sama: good people my ass!

Gin: whoooo! I'm smexy!

Hitsugaya: woooo. I am sooooo excited. Not.

Kitty-sama: **steps on hitsugaya's toe**

Toshirou: fuck that hurrrrttt!!

Hisagi: that's what she said.

Kitty-sama: I've been looking for an excuse to use kaze… tobu no ue Ni amagumo kazeneko

Peach: let's just move on to our next review… please?

Kitty-sama: What're you doing here? You're going to get your ass kicked. If there's one thing- mm mmmph mmmmmm **bites peach's hand** take your hand off my mouth

Peach: I'll just be going now…

_Can you make Renji fight a killer bunny?_

_-gubgub434_

Kitty-sama: I don't see why not…

_LOL HAXXED. Also Ichigo doesn't get enough dialog in..._

_-thesonicsword_

Kitty-sama: good point. I'll make a point to get him in more.

Hisagi: that's what she said.

Kitty-sama: I lost the game. Sorry to my fans who are also playing the game.

Ichigo: and now… our special: how to own someone in the face, step by step edition by Hisagi!!

Hisagi: that's what she said!

Kitty-sama: just get on with your show. And don't you dare say that's what she said or I will shove this sword down your throat and out your ass.

Hisagi: geez. That's harsh. Stupid bitch.

Kitty-sama: damn right I am.

Hisagi: My assistants, Renji and Ichigo will show you the right and wrong way to complete the steps.

Sado: step one

Hisagi: always take advantage of any "that's what she said" moments. But make sure not to say that's what she said in the wrong times. for example-

Matsumoto: Hey, look at this shiny thing I found!

Renji: that's what she said!!

Rukia: WRONG!

Matsumoto: hey, taichou, can you help me sharpen this long wooden stick?

Ichigo: that's what she said!!

Rukia: Right!

Sado: step two

Hisagi: Do not, under any circumstances, walk around pushing up your glasses, doing girly things, or talking about doing girly things. Please note this example-

Uryu: **pushes up glasses** hey, do you think I messed up this stitch? I was too busy concentrating on how cute this dress was going to look on Mr. Elephant at the animal tea party I'm having tonight.

Rukia: WRONG!

Ichigo: Hey! Renji! Wanna go beat the shit outta eachother in the park?

Hisagi: that's what she said.

Renji: yea! Woo! And after that, we'll go beat up Uryu and hang him by his underwear from a flagpole cause he's such a nerd!

Rukia: right!

Sado: step three

Hisagi: Never, ever back down from a challenge, even when you know it's stupid and there's no way you'll ever survive it. For example-

Renji: Hey, Uryu, wanna go jump off of a cliff that towers eighteen stories above the ground and ends in a pile of large, sharp rocks, with me and then after that lock ourselves in a cage with a bear that hasn't eaten in two weeks, and break the key?

Uryu: um… not really… if I do that, I may break a nail.

Rukia: WRONG!

Renji: Hey, Ichigo, wanna go jump off of a cliff that towers eighteen stories above the ground and ends in a pile of large, sharp rocks with me and then after that lock ourselves in a cage with a bear that hasn't eaten in two weeks, and break the key?

Ichigo: Yeah! And whoever lives the longest wins!

Rukia: Right!

Sado: step four

Hisagi: this is the last and final step. Whenever someone does something wimpy, never let them get over it. For example

Uryu: hey, renji, remember when you were fighting that bear and it bit you so you cried for your mommy?

Renji: yes. It scarred me for life. I don't think I'll ever get over it. **Starts sobbing**

Uryu: oh. Sorry, I didn't realize it hurt you that much. I won't ever bring that up again.

Rukia: WRONG!

Ichigo: hey, renji, remember when you were fighting that bear and it bit you so you cried for your mommy?

Renji: yes. It scarred me for life. I don't think I'll ever get over it. **Starts sobbing.**

Ichigo: it was hilarious, I mean the way you screamed MOMMY! At the top of your lungs. Priceless. Aw, are you crying? Waa waa waa I'm renji. Help me mommy! There's a big scary cat standing in front of me and its looki-

Kitty-sama: **jumps up quickly and bites Ichigo on the ear**

Ichigo: aaaaaaahhh!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Mommy! Save me! There's a big scary cat eating me!

Hisagi: that's what she said.

Rukia: right. Sort of.

Hisagi: well, thanks for listening, and don't forget… that's what she said! **Walks out door**

Kitty-sama: well, that certainly was… interesting…

Hanago: ooh ooh ooh! Pick me! Me!

Kitty-sama: yes, Hanago?

Ichigo: Hanago, you do realize you're wearing a banana suit.

Hanago: yes! **Loads self in cannon** toshirou, light me!

Toshirou: woooo.

_**BANG!!!**_

Hanago: its peanut butter jelly time, its peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jel- ow.

Renji: I'll go get her off of the ceiling.

Kitty-sama: no. Just leave her there. It'll teach her a lesson.

Rukia: it's time for BURICHIDOME!!!

Kitty-sama: I forgot who was going to fight this week so I decided it would be peach vs. random fangirls.

Random fangirl 1: stupid momo! Get away from my shirou!

Peach: che?

Random fangirl 2: _your_ shirou? He's MINE!

Kitty-sama: and so random fangirls one and two, who were apparently too stupid to just tag team and kill momo first, kill eachother, making momo the winner.

Rukia: well, that's it for today, guys! Next week's episode: the shinigami (slash arrancar) prom!!! (Don't like it? it was hanago's idea)

(((After the scenes)))

Renji: man, I want a chili dog.

Kitty: then make one

Renji: we're all out

Rukia: then let's go to sonic!!

Kitty: that's a great idea! Only I'm broke

Tatsuki: my treat!

Kitty: when did you get here? Never mind. Let's just go.

Byakuya: **turns out lights and slams door loudly**

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Hanago: um… guys? Is anybody here? A little help please?


	24. Arrancar Prom! or not

Kitty-sama: I don't own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: hey! Guess what!

Renji: what?

Kitty-sama: never mind. I forgot.

Inoue: kitty's a spaz today. Long story.

kitty-sama: hey guess what I went to national history day today and did a performance and got third so now I have to go to state and I rode in the car but it snowed five inches and we were in a blizzard and I almost died three separate times but mom said that's cos dad's a bad driver, not cos of the snow and I had to leave early from that cos I had a band competition and so I got thirsty and I wanted a coke but they didn't so I drank a diet coke and it has aspartame so I got a headache and doesn't diet stuff suck?

Inoue: see? Diet stuff does this to her. We don't know why.

kitty-sama: and diet stuff tastes funny cos it's too sweet but it doesn't even have any sugar in it just that nasty fake stuff but then I tried to stab Mitchell with my flute but it's a blunt end so it didn't work but I don't even really know Mitchell that much cept that he's cool and stuff and I wish Paul was there so I could chase him around the school and try to get the pepsi he stole from me only they didn't have any pepsi so it would have been a diet coke and he doesn't even like coke or diet stuff so he wouldn't have stolen it in the first place and I was so tired so I would have fallen asleep with my head in his lap-

Ichigo: will you shut up already?

kitty-sama: and he would wake me up and listen to my ipod and I would draw stuff and fall asleep again and he'd make me a pink balloon doggie that's sitting on my desk and I'd be happy then I'd realize they just posted breaks for rounds and then I have to go over to my dad's house tomorrow and ama take Paul out there so we can go sledding cos it snowed remember even though he hates the cold and I hate the cold so we'll end up watching tv and eating all the food in the kitchen-

Inoue: if she's going this badly, she'll crash hard in twenty minutes or so

kitty-sama: you know what I ate for dinner yesterday and this is just dinner not counting lunch or breffast but I don't eat breffast anyways I ate two pieces of pizza-

Renji: tha's all? Cos I eat that every night and have room for more.

kitty-sama: no that's not all I ate two pieces of pizza and two tacos and two hamburgers and a baked potato and a pork chop and some grapes and a liter of fizzy fruit water and I watched tv and drew stuff on paper and ate pop corn and then I was hungry again cept it was midnight and I had to go to bed so I went to bed and then I woke up and took a shower and ate a sammich and then went to history day and yeah.

Ichigo: are you done yet? Dumbass.

Kitty-sama: yeah.

Ichigo: now let's just do reviews before she thinks of something else to talk about.

_Kitty-sama, you TOTaLLy ROCK! 8D_

Feel free to get exited, cause boy do I have a good list of dares and stuff  
to give you guys!

1. Make toshiro and momo go on a date and toshiro has to make her something  
nice out of ice (lol that rhymed! XD) 8)

2. ichigo, rukia, yachiru, momo, hitsugaya, byakuya, renji, kenpachi, and  
especially yumichika have to go to Biology and dicsect a frog

3. Soi Fon, you have to stand in front of yoruichi wearing a t-shirt that  
says I hate cats and stand there while she reacts *cough,toast,cough*

( dont get me wrong, I'm fine with cats, and I have nothing against soi fon,  
I just feel like torturing a character. I've been bored lately, plus i have a  
lotta homework this weekend, that pretty much sucks, ya know.:P)

well those are all my dares for now

Kitty-sama, i'm giving you 2 vending machines filled with the foods of your  
choice, and I'm giving you 3 dare tokens that will allow you to dare any  
character in this fic to do anything you want (I would suggest personal slave  
for a week or maybe eating trash) 8D

Once again, YOU ROCK!

P.S. can i borrow ichigo, rukia, hinamori, and hitsugaya in chibi form!  
please, PlEaSe, PLEASE! yes, you can indeed chibify characters. 8D :D :)

_-stayeduplate_

toshirou: but I already have two wives not to mention Hanago who practically stalks me

Hanago: I loooooovvveee you toshie. And what do you mean I practically stalk you? screw the practically, I flat out stalk you.

Toshirou: anyways, the point is I have too much shit to do-

kitty-sama: the soooaaaappp! get the sooooaaaapppppppppppp! I pierced the toast!!! (if you get this, lemme know X.x)

Toshirou: I don't have the time. ppfffffttttt! bleh. soap tastes disgusting.

Kitty-sama: shut up you little bastard. he'll take her out tomorrow. and also something that rhymes with ice or nice or whatever. And no that is sooo not sexual.

Renji: dissect a frog?

Kitty-sama: why? that's not punishment. it's fun.

Renji: kitty-sama loves this kind of thing- she wants to be the person who does autopsies on dead people.

Kitty-sama: here's a fun fact: taito kubo originally had isshin kurosaki as a mortician, not a doctor which is why he looks so good in black.

Ichigo: uh… cool? moving on.

Soi fon: I… I can't do it. I love Yoruichi too much.

kitty-sama: it's not Yoruichi you'd have to fear **extends claws**

Renji: kitty's dancing. she's happy to not have a million things to do- that's why she's writing- she's been working on debate and nhd and flute non stop for the past 3 weeks and now she doesn't have to do any of that so she's working on all of her stories all night tonight.

Soi fon: **puts on shirt**

Yoruichi: soi fon, why would you do something like that? I thought you loved me! **starts sobbing**

Kitty-sama: I don't care. ATTACK!!!!! ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Soi fon: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! it stiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggssssss!!!!!

Renji: I know what you'd have in your vending machines: an endless supply of coke.

Kitty-sama: and the only way to get a coke is to stab the machine with kaze… perfect! mwahaha!

Renji: except you sell them to the bleaches for $1 to make income.

kitty-sama: Perfect! I'd love to let you borrow said characters in chibi form, but our resident chibifier is broken… stupid fifty five year old two ton piece of junk. **kicks chibifier**

Chibifier: wiiiiieeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! **turns Rukia, Ichigo, toshirou, momo, and byakuya into chibis**

Byakuya: wait… she didn't even want me!

Kitty-sama: sorry. guess you're stuck in chibi form anyways.

Byakuya: for how long?

Kitty-sama: for normal people it lasts about seventy six hours, but your ego is swollen.

Byakuya: what does that mean?

Kitty-sama: your ego is swollen so you're trapping the chibi energy inside your body so it will take a longer period of time to wear off. now I've seen mild cases of this before and it took an extra up to twelve hours to wear off.

Byakuya: thank god. this is ruining my pretty.

kitty-sama: but I've never seen a case as extreme as yours. in plugging the numbers into a simple equation based on how long it took people to unchibify in accordance to the size of their egos, it will take you approximately three weeks to unchibify. Minimum. If you're lucky.

Byakuya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo o oooo ooooooooo o o o o o o.

_MUAHAHAHA! IM BAK XD!! hm im thinking of the many ways to torture baka-kun...  
so many ways... so little time to preform... strawberry-kun DOES need to hav  
more lines too =O and pinapple-kun needs to lose the weird tattoos..  
_

_Fruit Salad O.o (yummy, yummy? O_O)_

I NOE! we can show off uryuu's fashion in a fashion show ! ^_^ and hav  
baka-kun on the runway showing all the fashions O.o. then hav a random bloody  
massacre =D. and then dance randomly ... hehe Random O.O

ps: RUKIA PWNS!

_-Sakura12341_

Uryu: Cool! I just love to sew and cook and do girly things!

Kitty-sama: schweet! next week: ishida's girly fashion show starring byakuya.

Rukia: yey!!!!!

_I DONT CARE IF IM CREUL ISHIDA YOUR A WHORE AND YOU KNOW IT ALSO FANGIRLS  
BACK OF SHIRO MINE BITCHES AND MOMO YOU JUST FUCKING DIE CAN I GIVE YACHIRU  
CANDY TO KILL MOMO? IF I CAN THAT WOULD BE...AWESOME! YOU ROCK KITTY TAICHOU  
SAMA GIN IS SMEXY AND SHIRO SOO CUTE SO BACK OF FANGIRLS HE MINE BITCHES THAT  
RIGHT WHORES HE MINE! ISHIDA I HAVE MORE HOMEWORK I HAVE A 50 PAGE TEST DUE  
TOMORROW FOR MATH AND SCIENCE AND I HAVE AN UNLIMITED PAGE OF TEST FOR  
HISTORY,LANGUAGE ARTS,P.E.,AND SEWING WTF I REMEBERED I HAD SEWING FOR ONCE.  
-NoName4863-_

ishida: uh! am so not!

toshirou: uh… **quakes in fear**

momo: I wish I never came here.

kitty-sama: please note back to… episode eight I think- there's some law that I can't kill off any soul society characters (which is why I can legally kill aizen, gin, tousen, and all arrancar etc etc) so that can't be done, etc etc etc bla di bla bla, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, you're going to jail, I dare you tobu no ue ni kazeneko, that's assault you'll be in jail longer, kiss my ass I'll do what I want, okay this is just a warning but do it again and you'll be arrested…. yeah.

ishida: shit.

_hi i love you story i crack up all the time and no offense but byakuya is  
better than that fox faced gin im a bya fangirl and make renji give any  
character a lapdance and make ishida wear a ball gown for the entire show and  
you pwn hard! and can i have byakuya for a week seance u dont like him at all?_

_-apola55_

Kitty-sama: hi!!

Gin: what is this feeling… I've never felt it before

kitty-sama: sadness? anger?

Gin: yeah…

byakuya: see- someone likes me.

Renji: ooh! ooh! you said _any_ character, right? **grins at kitty-sama**

Kitty-sama: not in your life. or if you value your life.

Ishida: I AM NOT A WOMAN!!!

Kitty-sama: of course not.

ishida: there! she agreed with me!

Kitty-sama: you're much too young. You're barely a girl.

ishida: **twitch… puts on dress**

kitty-sama: you probably should have picked one with a frillier neck… you know… to hide your… err… chest problem.

Ichigo: or lack of chest problem.

kitty-sama: che- no, of course not! I mean, you can _have_ byakuya, but that doesn't mean I don't like him… he's my third favorite bleach character. it goes: renji, Ichigo, byakuya, Rukia, gin… etc etc etc.

_OMG LOL yey monster hotdog! screw you momo...kitty-sama!*glomps* COKE PWNS  
ALL (next to kitty-sama)! *glomps gin* SMEXY GIN! *hearts in eyes*  
*looks at bya-kun* should i have u harmed, but not killed, again...maybe  
aizen...HARM TO AIZEN...*thinks*...by KILLER FANGIRLS! Mwahahahahahahaha...oh  
wait does aizen even have fangirls?...anyway...*hearts in eyes and stares at  
Gin again* Gin should rule the hollows!!..._

_-AngelHeart92_

Momo: eeh… I really shouldn't have come here.

Kitty-sama: no… that's okay, I know it's true… coke does pwn me… I have an addiction… NOOOOOOOO! it's gone.

Renji: kitty, are you okay?

Kitty-sama: **rocking back and forth** no… I'm not.

Renji: oh, don't worry. she's fine. you should see her when she doesn't have her morning coke… this is just a random one…

Kitty-sama: yeah… but only on weekdays… I can go without and drink one later in the day on weekends (save debate tourneys) but when I have to wake up at 5 in the morning, I'd better have a coke. whether it's from home or the outrageously overpriced vending machines.

Gin: thaannkkkss!!! you're love for me has made up for other fan's hate for me! I'm so insecure!

Hanago: that makes you an easy target for rape… you're lucky I don't like you…

Aizen: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ** runs in locky room**

Killer fangirls: **run after aizen**

Kitty-sama: **slams and locks door to locky room **they're not even his fangirls… they're gin's… just borrowed.

Toshirou: yes! someone has less fangirls as me!

Kitty-sama: one, Hanago doesn't count as a fangirl, and two, two of those girls were authentic aizen fangirls.

Toshirou: daa- darn it. Yeah, darn it. that's what I said.

_Yey! Hitsu-plush!! Can i have 1 hour with hitsu in the locky closet? Please!_

I wanna see baka-kun v.s. a cute kitten (really a visious kittin but dont  
tell him that) and ikkaku has to babysit yachiru and do any thing she tells  
him to or else!  
-pushes random pose button-  
Gin. you have moved into my ok people book. that means i dont hate you  
anymore. ichigo x rukia couples...i hate that couple along with hitsu x momo  
and hitsu x matsu.  
sorry but i dont like momo very much. anyway i have my own bleach fanfic but  
haven't posted it yet. don't have a chanse at the moment.  
luv ya kitty-taicho! ^_^  
if you have a gaiaonline account i would love to be you friend. thanks!  
-------------------

_-Matsuki Suien_

Kitty-sama: we already have some people in the locky room… but you said locky _closet_… as far as I know, we don't have one of those, cept Byakuya's room and that isn't even enough room for a mop… so I'll get one of those installed and sure! Kay?

Guy from Locky Closets Corp. Inc. TM.: hey, it'll take about two hours.

Kitty-sama: I'm a cute kitten. yoruichi's a cute kitten. how bout two cute kittens?

Renji: **whispering in kitty's ear** that won't work. he knows both of you. he knows you're vicious and have sharp claws.

Soi fon: soo sharp! it stiiinnnngggsss! stillll!!!

Kitty-sama: hell, I'll just go at it now **places cute (vicious) kitten in Burichidome**

Byakuya: I feel sorry for that damned cat…

Cute (vicious) kitten: rawr! **jumps on Byakuya's face and clings with sharp claws**

Byakuya: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Soi fon was right! it stiiinnnnnnggggggssssss!!!!!!

Gin: that too makes up for the hatred I get from certain _other_ fans.

Kitty-sama: eh… ichiruki… I don't know-

------------------------

((Kitten's note))

um… I just spilled water all over my keyboard- a full glass, and I'm not talking 8 ounces either… I'm talking Big Gulp size mother effer… so yeah…

------------------------

Kitty-sama: -why I like it, I just do. and I don't really care about toshirou- I didn't like him to begin with coupled with the fact that everyone else likes him kind of dissuaded me, so I never really cared about him and momo as a couple (also because of this information, one can assume that I don't really care about momo either) but I do hate the toshirou and matsumoto couple because it's just ridiculous.

Rukia: okay… moving on.

Kitty-sama: let us know when you post your fiction… I'd love to read it! And I think I have a gaia… I have so many accounts I don't know what I do and don't have… if I do it's either kittytaichousama or kitty-taichou-sama… that's also one of my emails (not one I use often, I hate yahoo.) and yet I don't know which one that is either…

_*punches the dorky quincy and glomps Gin*Hi Kitty-sama!*gives pocky*Can you  
force the strawberry to go to the prom with Rukia?*flips off Momo*_

_-gubgub434_

ishida: owww…

Gin: yey! I love you!

Kitty-sama: mmm… pocky… and… COKE! Hi! Why, of course I can! what kind of an ichiruki fan would I be if I didn't? KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!

Rukia: uh… why did you just yell kawaii?

Hanago: it happens a lot… I'm surprised she's never done it here before.

Momo: I really wanna just go home now…

Kitty-sama: I. Lost. The. Game.

Hanago: and now time for our show grande especial-

Renji: that's Hueco mundo for grand special.

Kitty-sama: yeah, I'm sure they couldn't have figured that one out on their own…

Renji: well pardon me for not being sooo smart and talented and pretty like you.

Kitty-sama: yeah, too bad you're stupid and mediocre and ugly.

Hanago: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP KITTY-SAMA I'M TAKING OVER YOUR SHOW SO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW!!!

Kitty-sama: okay… I didn't like it anyways… **walks out of room**

Hanago: …is she gone? did she really leave? I HAVE COMPLETED THE IMPOSSIBLE! I HAVE GOTTEN RID OF MY OLDER SISTER! AND SHE'S EVEN STRONGER THAN ME! I can't believe this! you all are to refer to me as the grand empress Hanago!

Kitty-sama: **walks back in room with rope, cloth, and office chair**

Hanago: I am the shit! I conquered that stupid bitch-

Kitty-sama: damn. right. I. am.

Hanago: uh… when did you get back?

Kitty-sama: **Ties up Hanago, gags her and wheels her off to a lonely corner.**

Renji: uhm… okay… moving on.

Kitty-sama: yo here's the deal… it's late at night and I'm tired, so can't we just do this another day? Sorry guys… seriously… sorry…


	25. Chapter 25

Kitty-sama: I do not own bleach, unfortunately.

Kitty-sama: Dear fans, Do you know what time it is? No? Neither do I, that's why I asked.

Renji: you're an idiot.

Kitty-sama: No, YOU'RE the idiot.

Ichigo: anyways, what she's trying to say is-

Kitty-sama: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU AIN'T MY MOMMA!

Ichigo: sorry…

Kitty-sama: what I'm trying to say is, it's really been a long time, hasn't it guys?

Byakuya: yeah… I've only been in that closet for a full TWO YEARS.

Kitty-sama: yeah, sorry about that.

Byakuya: no, you're not.

Kitty-sama: yeah, you're right about that. It's just that, between marching band, debate, debate nationals, more marching band, and every AP course I could possibly take, I just sort of ran out of time…

Rukia: But the important thing is, we're back. And now we're better than ever!

Ishida: we've completely revamped the show, with new segments and features, and now even a special section called Strolling with Gin, in which Gin takes to the streets to gather the viewpoints of passers-by.

Kitty-sama: exactly! In fact, that very segment can be seen today, as our show's feature segment to kick off the new season.

Rukia: But before we get to that, how about a quick word from our sponsors?

*Loud theme music* Have you ever been chased by rabid fangirls? Do you often find yourself hiding below a stereotypically cute bridge or abnormally small broom closet to avoid masses? Did you ever wish there was a way that you could make it all stop? Well now you can! I'm recent addition to the soul society's structure of soul reapers, Billy Mays here to tell you about this awesome new and improved extra-strength version fangirl repellant. But quick! Call in the next 5 minutes, and you can get a second can free, you just pay shipping and handling! Hurry, before we run out!

Kitty-sama: thanks, Billy! And now for the time we all have been waiting for, seeing our wonderful guest of honor, Gin Ichimaru!

Gin: *walks out on stage, stops, winks*

**Audience**: applause!

Gin: well it's- yes- thank- CALM DOWN NOW! It's so nice to be here today to kick off my new segment, Strolling with Gin!

Kitty-sama: yes, Gin, I hear you really asked the hard-hitting questions this time 'round. But don't take my word for it, let's just roll our clip…

Gin: Hello there. Mind if I ask you a question?

Five-year-old boy: no.

Gin: ?

Five-year-old boy: *points down the street*

Gin: YAAAAYYYYY! *takes off running*

Gin: Hey, can I ask you something?

Tall, tattooed man: *ehem* I guess…

Gin: which do you prefer? Butterflies, or spiders?

Tall, tattooed man: OOOooohhhh! Butterflies! I have a tattoo of one! Wanna see?

Gin: sure!

Tall, tattooed man: *pulls down pants to reveal butterfly tramp stamp*

Gin: wow….

Gin: Hi, can I ask you a question?

Busty, skimpily-clad woman: Yes?

Gin: Are those real?

Busty, skimpily-clad woman: *slaps gin across the face* how DARE you? Who do you think you-

Gin: I meant the snake-skin boots…

Busty, skimpily-clad woman: well… I really don't know what to say. Every time anyone asks me that, they're talking about my breasts.

Gin: whaat? You're totally flat-chested!

Busty, skimpily-clad woman: *bursts into sobs*

Gin: *smiles*

Kitty-sama: well that's the end of that segment, and what a segment it was. Thanks for joining us today, Gin. How about a round of applause for Gin, everybody?

**Audience**: Applause!

Kitty-sama: well, that's our show for today, folks! Feel free to write in with any suggestions!

Rukia: thanks for watching!

Ichigo: next week's episode will guest-star Ulquiorra, and a hard-hitting interview about how he feels about the ass-beating he took from me.

Uryu: look forward to seeing our new segment, Strolling with Gin!

Renji: and our special feature for next week is Arts and Crafts with Renji!

Byakuya: We appreciate you tuning in, and look forward to seeing you next time!

Kitty-sama: before we go, a special thanks to all of our regular co-hosts: Rukia, Ichigo, Byakuya, Uryu, and Renji!


End file.
